Fate Fell Short This Time
by emilie whoa
Summary: So, Bella, you’re a vampire but you have no idea how you got that way. What’re you gonna do? And where’s lover boy? Wow, life must hate you. [Alternate Epilogue posted]
1. Thank You For The Venom

**A/n:** I'm back!! isn't this exciting? gosh, its been a while. how is everyone out there in the world of Twilight fandom?

so this is my new story, i hope you all like it. and don't worry, the chapters are going to get progressively longer, and much more interesting. feedback is mucho appreciated! -hint hint-

Oh, and with the second chapter i'm going to post pictures of the characters and stuff in my profile, so keep an eye out for that.

i think thats it. yep. okay. hope you like my new story! Oh!! by the way, I'm completely disregarding New Moon in the story, it never happened.

**Disclaimer:** i do not own Twilight or any of the bands mentioned in this story.

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_"Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son. It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one…So give me all your poison (Fire at will)"_ –Thank you for the Venom, My Chemical Romance. 

I woke up in the dead of night, but for some reason it was bright enough in my room for me to make out everything. I expected Edward to be in bed with me, his cold arms wrapped around me, but he wasn't. He wasn't even in my rocking chair. That was odd, very odd. I could have sworn he was there when I fell asleep. Wait, when did I fall asleep? I couldn't remember a thing from the night before.

I looked over at my clock and realized it was one in the morning on a Thursday. But wasn't yesterday Monday? _Weird. _I tried to go back to sleep, but it turned out to be a futile attempt. I felt more awake right now than I did during the day. After about a half hour, I decided to go downstairs and get something to eat or maybe drink. A drink was more likely, I was really thirsty for some reason. My throat felt dry and scratchy, like I had a cold and I had coughed too much.

I couldn't help but notice that on my way to the kitchen I was much more graceful than usual. I didn't even trip on the way down the stairs, which was a miracle in itself. I always stumbled or tripped. This was really weird.

I grabbed a cup from the nearest cabinet and filled it with some orange juice. As soon as the smell of the liquid hit my nose, I was disgusted. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had no idea why, but the thought of even attempting to consume the juice was appalling. Grimacing, I poured it out into the sink. The smell was still in my nose, though, but I tried to ignore it.

I finally noticed the note from Charlie on the fridge. It told me that he was on a week long fishing trip with some buddies, and he was only leaving the note because I was so unconscious it looked like I was dead. The date at the top was marked three days ago.

_Three days,_ I mused. My mind was starting to put two and two together. Edward wasn't around, I had been unconscious for three days, and normal food was absolutely revolting to me. Not to mention the fact that I was inhumanly graceful and my eyesight was suddenly better than normal.

The next thing I knew, I was bounding up the stairs and running into the bathroom. The instant I looked in the mirror I noticed the blood red eyes and pale skin. I was momentarily frightened that my eyes could be such a color. I quickly recovered, though.

My face was thinner; my cheek bones more prominent, more sculpted. My skin was flawless and stone-like, just like Edward's. _What the hell was going on here?_ I looked down and noticed I finally had some curves and I had to admit, I was kinda pretty.I looked back into the mirror and started poking at my cheek to make sure I was actually looking at myself; it only confirmed that I was a vampire. Oh, crap. I stared at my reflection in horror.

_I am a vampire_. How could this be? I didn't remember being bitten, I didn't remember the transformation. I suddenly realized how Alice must have felt when she discovered what she was.

A part of me was happy, I was finally like Edward, and we could be together now. We didn't have to be careful, I wasn't breakable anymore. But he wasn't here. I was alone. I was alone and I was a vampire. I never thought those two words would be put together until now.

Another other part of me wasn't angry with what I was, just a little disappointed. I didn't know why either. I couldn't put my finger on it. This was what I wanted, to become a vampire like Edward, to finally spend eternity with him. Maybe it was because he wasn't there, because he wasn't by my side. That had to be it, I decided.

I was trying to remember what had happened, but I couldn't. The last thing that came to mind was leaving school Monday afternoon. My mind was a black hole from there on. It was like there was nothing, not even little fragments. I was kind of happy I didn't remember the pain, but it would have been nice to remember _something_. I struggled until dawn to remember how I became a vampire. Nothing came.

Did Edward do this to me? I was 99.9 percent sure that it was his fault I was the way I was now. He bit me, and abandoned me. _That bastard._ When I really thought about it, I was pissed. No, I was beyond pissed, I was livid. How could someone that loved me, leave me the way he did? He promised me he wouldn't leave, and now he broke that promise.

Well, at least now I had all the time in the world to hunt him down and get an explanation. I wouldn't stop until I found him, either.


	2. Letters To You

**A/n:** so some kid in my chemistry class told me that i'm too idealistic to be an author. i just about flipped out. who is he to tell me that?! i mean he doesn't even know me. and idealism has nothing to do with being an author. seriously. i wanted to punch his lights out. UGH!

thanks for all your reviews! you've given me the motivation to actually continue with this story. and i really need motivation even though i really want to see how the story turns out. well. i know how its going to turn out, but i want to see everything in between. do you get that? never mind.

**disclaimer:** the only thing i own is a pretty copy of Twilight and the Finch CD. yep...nothing else. too bad.

* * *

"_I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so, I'm writing again, these letters to you aren't much, I know But I'm not sleeping and you're not here The thought stops my heart…"_ – Letters To You, Finch.

The letter came on Friday afternoon. It was mixed in with a bunch of bills for Charlie so at first I didn't notice it, but at second glance, I instantly recognized the elegant script. It was from him.

He wrote out my full name, minus the middle name, though. _Isabella Swan._ At first I didn't want to believe that Edward was sending me a letter, that it was just a practical joke. I wanted to believe it so bad, but I knew it wasn't true. How could he leave me and send me a letter, though? Did he think that would make things better? Did he think it would explain his sudden disappearance? Maybe it would, I didn't know for sure. I _couldn't_ know until I read it.

I left the letter sitting on my desk, unopened, for six hours. The entire time I was sitting on my bed staring at it. I wanted to open it, but I couldn't. It seemed like it was taunting me. That letter would only confirm the fears that I already knew were true. But I didn't want them confirmed in writing, which would only make it permanent. It would make the situation more real than it was already, and I didn't think I could deal with that.

I went back to the Cullens house yesterday. I didn't know why I went; I guess I just wanted to see if they were there. I wanted to hope that they didn't leave, but that little slice of hope was shattered the second I reached the driveway. The house was completely empty, void of all life, nothing was left. I didn't bother going inside, I knew what I would find. The emptiness was evident enough from the outside, anyway.

It was like a blow to the head when I realized they were actually gone. But for some reason, I couldn't be mad at them, only Edward. Surely they left for my good, they wouldn't have gone otherwise. I couldn't imagine sweet little Alice leaving me for selfish reasons. I couldn't imagine Carlisle leaving the hospital for any other reason than my safety. I could, however, imagine Edward leaving because he thought it would be better. I could imagine him leaving in the middle of the night, without another word.

He was a selfish creature, that Edward Cullen. Or maybe he just thought it would be better for me if he left, so I could live a normal human life, like I was supposed to. No, I had to believe he did it for his own good – it helped to keep the pain of losing him from seeping in all the way. If I was angry with Edward, then I couldn't be sad that he left. If I was angry, then I wouldn't break down and do something completely stupid.

Maybe Edward slipped, and he accidentally changed me. I knew how much he wanted me to stay human, so maybe he couldn't bare the thought of me being like him. Why was I making excuses for him?

He didn't have to do that to me, it was bad enough waking up a vampire with no memory of the change. Maybe the letter would explain more, but then again, maybe it wouldn't. I left the letter on my desk, still unopened. I couldn't bring myself to read it.

I spent the better part of the night trying to figure out how I would explain this to Charlie, if I could explain it to him at all. I was toying with the idea of just running away; I was sure the Denali coven would take me in if I explained the situation to them.

I had to leave Forks. Of that I was certain. I couldn't stay here and try to explain something I couldn't even begin to understand myself. Denali was my only choice, my last salvation. _But what if they came back?_ No, that gave me too much hope, and hope was devastating at this point.

I finally decided that going to Alaska was the only option I had. I started flying (not literally) around my room, packing everything I could, including my iPod and every CD I owned. I grabbed my emergency money that I had in my sock drawer, and the letter from my desk, and made my way downstairs.

I shoved everything into my truck and got in on the drivers side. I took one last look at my home, and then started on my way to my new one.

* * *

I arrived in Denali a little after sunset the next day. Once I passed the city limits, I realized I had no idea where the coven lived. The Cullens never told me and I never asked – I didn't feel the need. Knowing that they lived in Denali was enough for me.

I started panicking but then I decided there was no need. I would just check myself into a motel and do some searching tomorrow. That was a good enough plan – well, at least I thought it was.

But then I caught the scent. It was faint, but it was clearly vampire. I had no idea how I recognized it, but it was a relief nonetheless. I started driving in the direction that made the scent stronger and soon I found myself in front of a huge mansion in the middle of the forest.

The house was elegant, white and old, but well kept. The architecture was clearly out of place for the region, but this far into the woods, it almost fit. It reminded me of something you would find on the east coast, like Virginia or Maryland. I found myself just staring at the massive beauty of the building and I instantly wished I lived in a house like that.

I cut the engine and slowly emerged from my truck. I was starting to get a little nervous. I could feel the butterflies creeping into my stomach. How would they react to me? Would they take me in like I thought they would? Oh crap, what if they turned me away? I was beginning to hyperventilate, but I decided to stop breathing altogether. That seemed to make things a little better. I was suddenly glad that I couldn't die from oxygen deprivation anymore.

I made my way over to the front door at a human pace – I was trying to give myself time to run away, but I didn't. I silently applauded my sudden burst of bravery. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then knocked lightly on the huge oak door.

"Coming!" An attractive musical voice yelled from inside. A second later a tall blonde woman in a flour caked apron was opening the door. She stood there for a second, taking me in, looking at me curiously, staring into my blood red eyes. "Can I help you?" She asked politely.

"Y…yes. Are you… part of the Denali coven?" I stuttered. _Oh, good job Bella, just make her think you're retarded or something._ The voice inside my head was getting rather annoying lately.

"Yes, and who might you be, dear?" The woman asked. She had a small smile on her face and I was starting to get a little creeped out. Did she greet every unfamiliar vampire this way? Or was she just a polite type of person? I was opting for the latter; she seemed nice enough.

"I'm Isabella Swan. I'm a friend of the Cullens." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, three girls came running down the stairs and skidded to a stop at the door. At first sight, they almost looked like triplets, they looked so much alike. But they were all different heights, and one had brunette hair and the others had blonde. The brunette was distinctly different from the blondes, though; she was the shortest and had a slight baby-face. She also looked to be the friendliest.

The brunette girl ended up being the bravest of the three, and stepped forward to get a better look at me. She eyed me curiously, her head cocked to one side and her brow furrowed in concentration. "_The_ Isabella Swan?" She asked after her assessment.

"Yes," I replied, a little confused. _She knows who I am?_ The girl started squealing and pulled me into a bone crushing hug that probably would have killed me if I was still human. But I wasn't, and it didn't, and for that I was thankful. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Oh," she pulled away a little, but kept her hands on my shoulders. She smiled sheepishly. "I'm Kate. And that's Irina, Tanya, and Carmen. Eleazar is out hunting right now, he'll be back later," Kate explained. As she said each girl's name, she pointed to the corresponding person. I learned that the woman who opened the door was Carmen.

"So, Isabella, what brings you to our humble abode?" Kate asked, leading me inside the house.

"Please, call me Bella," I said. The five of us were in a living room now. Kate pulled me over to a couch and sat me down, and the others fanned out around us.

"Okay, Bella, what brings you to Denali?" Tanya piped.

"Well, it's kind of a weird situation really, but before I begin, do you know where the Cullens are?" I was hoping they did, but it was probably just wishful thinking.

By the way Carmen's face fell, I knew the answer before she even spoke it. "They told us they were leaving Washington, but they wouldn't give us any more information. Is that why you're here?"

I sighed. "Yes, and no. As you can tell I'm a vampire, but I have no idea how I got this way. I sort of just woke up and, BAM, I was vampire. And then I found out that Edward was gone, and I need to find him. I'm almost certain he knows how I got this way, but I have no idea where he went."

"So, how do we fit into all of this?" Irina asked.

"I had no where else to go," I whispered, suddenly ashamed of the predicament I found myself in.

Kate draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her. "Well, it's a good thing you came to us then, Bella. We'll help you find him, don't worry."

"You can stay here as long as you need to," Carmen added, placing a hand on my knee and squeezing. It was a little comforting, which was probably the intention behind the action. I glanced at Carmen and gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, you have no idea how worried I was that you would kick me out or something," I was relieved that they welcomed me into their home. I never really expected them to be so nice.

"Don't be silly," Kate giggled. "From everything Edward and Alice have told us about you, we'd be fools not to help you."

"I've been talked about?" I frowned. Nothing embarrassing, I hoped.

"Oh, constantly," Carmen rolled her eyes. "Edward will not shut up about you when he comes to visit, and we've practically memorized that song he wrote for you, he plays it so much. That boy really loves you, you know?"_ Then why would he leave me?_ I asked silently.

"I'm sorry." I looked down, embarrassed. I was happy I couldn't blush anymore, it was one of the many things I was glad to be rid of.

"For what?" Kate asked. "I have been wanting to meet you ever since Edward came here after that biology incident last year."

"Really?" I looked at her curiously. _I can't believe she heard about that._ Why did Edward have to tell them?

"Yes! You are very famous around here, Bella."

"Why? I'm not that special," I said.

"Any girl that can snag Edward Cullen is very special. A human girl too! That just makes the story even better!" Kate looked at me and cringed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to put it that way."

"No, no it's okay. I understand. It's not everyday that you hear about something like this," I said. I did understand. How often do vampires fall in love with humans and actually keep them that way? I was pretty sure it didn't happen…at all.

"Exactly!" Kate exclaimed. "But don't think I only wanted to meet you because of you're situation with Edward. No, it was mostly because of the way he explained you."

"The way he explained me?" I frowned. "You make me sound like a story."

Kate shrugged. "That's the way he made you seem. You're perfect in his eyes."

I was washed with a wave of sadness. Why would Edward make me out to be this amazing person and then leave me when I really needed him to explain what the hell was going on? Edward Cullen was sudden the most confusing person I had ever met, and yet, I was still completely in love with him.

The anger I felt toward him was dwindling faster than I would have thought. It was quickly being replaced by the longing need to see him, to feel him, to hear his voice. Anything. I was starting to feel that physical pain that came with being away from my angel for so long. I needed to find him, and I needed to find him soon.

* * *

_Oh! by the way, the letter plays a pretty big role, so keep an eye out for it in later chapters._**  
**

**Playlist:**

Letters to you – Finch  
So Contagious – Acceptance  
Your Neck – Alkaline Trio  
Car Underwater – Armor for Sleep  
World without You – Beth Hart  
Bleed for You – Hidden in Plain View  
Night Drive – Jimmy Eat World  
Pressure – Paramore  
Broken – Seether ft. Amy Lee  
In Loving Memory of – So They Say


	3. There's a Class for This

**A/N:** okay, so i'd like to start by thanking all my silent readers, becuase you guys don't get enough recognition. and i want to thank **Yumscrish** for telling me the most wonderful thing ever! you know know what i mean. i also want to thank Keeley for offering to help me, because she's just _that_ awesome.

your feedback is much appreciated. i love reading reviews, even if they're bashing my writing(which hasn't happened yet, thank god).

and i'm not going to be updating for about a week because i need to write like three or four chapters to hold you guys over while i'm on vacation. that sounds fair, doesn't it?

**Disclaimer:** don't own anything. nope.

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"_We keep ourselves a mystery but we provide, provide the clues. So the rest is up to you And don't forget to check the obvious We are so serious So I guess it comes down to how curious you can be…"_ – There's a Class for This, Cute Is What We Aim For. 

I immediately warmed up to Kate and Carmen. I had the most in common with Kate, but Carmen's personality was just so bubbly that you couldn't help but love her. Tanya and Irina were nice, friendly people, but they didn't talk much, so I didn't push them. Plus, Carmen and Kate were little chatter boxes so they wouldn't have been able to talk much anyway.

The more we talked, the more we strayed away from any subject that had to do with the Cullens. I think Carmen was making sure we steered away from them; she didn't want me to be uncomfortable. I had been here for less than twenty four hours and she was already protecting me in one form or another. I was thankful for that.

I learned quite a bit about everyone. Kate, Tanya, and Irina were a little over a thousand years old; they were the original members of the coven. Carmen and Eleazar were around the same age as Carlisle and they were married. They found Kate and the others around 1850 and have been with them since. From what I heard, Eleazar and Carmen were the parental figures of the coven, but Kate and the other two were clearly the leaders. It was a weird relationship, but I felt myself understanding it better than I thought I would.

Kate was sixteen when she was changed, and Tanya and Irina were a day away from being seventeen – they were actually cousins who happened to be born on the same day. Kate was related to Tanya by marriage, so they were all technically related somehow. They all came from the same village, and were dying from some sort of disease when a vampire passing through took pity on them and changed them. Kate said she didn't remember her human life that much anymore; it had been so long. But from what she did remember, it wasn't too horribly exciting. She did, however, remember meeting Jesus a little after he was born – yeah, I know. Weird, right?

Carmen was around twenty-six when she was changed. She was born and raised in England, but moved to Spain after running away from an arranged marriage – I didn't blame her, arranged marriages were gross.

Eleazar was twenty-eight when he was changed. He was living in a small town in Spanish countryside when he fell in love with a passer-by. Little did he know she was a vampire and she ended up biting him and left without another word.

Eleazar stayed in Spain, but moved to a little apartment on the water in Barcelona. He made a living by painting, it wasn't much but it kept a roof over his head. He was the one who found Carmen after she was attacked – they never found out by what or who - and left to die. He did the only thing he could think of to save her; he changed her. They've been together ever since. What a love story, huh?

Carmen was somewhat of a cook in her human years, and she never really let go of the practice – hence the flour covered apron she wore upon my arrival. No one ever ate the food she prepared, even though it was probably delicious. It did, however, succeed in bringing animals closer to the house, which made hunting a lot easier. It would help with the teaching process for me, too (Kate and Carmen promised to take me out later that day – once I got myself settled).

Kate, Carmen and I talked all through the night and well into the morning, until Eleazar walked through the front door and I had to be introduced. Tanya and Irina left sometime after midnight, mumbling something about having to do something or other. I think they just wanted to get out of the room, and we let them go. We were too wrapped up in our conversation that we sort of just waved them away.

"Bella Swan," I smiled and shot my hand out for Eleazar to shake, he did…hesitantly, at first. But then he warmed up a little. I was being more enthusiastic than normal, but he didn't seem to mind.

Eleazar eyed me curiously. "You're a little less human than I imagined," he said, releasing my hand. The guy was blunt, I liked it.

"Yes," I giggled. "Just a little complication. Nothing major. It's nice to meet you."

"And I, you," He smiled back. "What do you mean by 'a little complication'?"

I really didn't want to answer that. The whole, me becoming a vampire thing; it was still a touchy subject for me. I stared down at my feet, silently begging for someone to come to my rescue.

"She doesn't remember being changed. And the Cullens have disappeared," Kate answered for me. I looked over at her; the relief and thankfulness was written all over my face. She beamed in response.

"Oh," Eleazar nodded, not noticing our exchange. "I heard about that. You mean you don't know where they've gone?"

"Not a clue," I replied solemnly.

"Well," he huffed. "We're just going have to fix that, now, won't we?"

I smiled. "You're all so helpful. I don't know how I could ever repay you." And I really didn't. These people only just met me, and they were helping more than I ever thought anyone would. They were definitely getting good Christmas presents this year.

"Oh, nonsense," Eleazar waved a hand, as if in dismissal. "You're practically family."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Why don't we show you to your room," Carmen piped in quickly. She snaked an arm around my shoulder and started leading me to the huge stair case on the far end of the entryway. I think she didn't want me to start dry sobbing or something. I swear, the woman was saving me in more ways than I could have imagined.

"I already have a room?" I looked up at her curiously.

Kate laughed from behind us. "It's an old guest room, but you're not a guest, so it's technically _your_ room."

"Ah, right," I rolled my eyes.

I followed Carmen down a long hall and veered right when she pushed against my shoulder. We stopped momentarily at a solid oak door and Carmen twisted the knob and led me inside the room.

You know, for a guest room, it was pretty extravagant. When you think of a guest room, you think of a bed, a dresser, maybe a nice painting on the wall or something. But this room was the complete opposite of what I expected to see. It was like someone actually lived there, but they weren't around much.

The walls were painted a dark hunter green. The furniture, which included a queen size sleigh bed and matching dresser and vanity, were a mahogany color. Everything matched perfectly. On the west wall were two doors, one that led to the full bathroom, and the other to the walk-in closet. On the south wall a pair of French doors – that were probably actually from France - were placed in front of a small balcony. I found it kind of funny that someone would have a balcony in Alaska, but then I remembered that vampires aren't affected by the cold.

"Beautiful, huh?" Kate turned to me smiling with eye brows raised.

"Yeah," I whispered, still a little awestruck.

"It's usually Alice and Jasper's room when they come to visit, but I don't think they'll mind if you commandeer it for a little while," Carmen explained.

"Thank you so much for this. You guys are amazing," I gushed. I had the overwhelming urge to cry out of happiness but I stopped myself. Instead, I gave Kate and Carmen each a huge hug.

* * *

Kate decided to appoint herself as my personal teacher. She was a bit of a talker and tended to get a little off subject when she tried explaining things to me, but after about ten minutes of rambling I would politely steer her back to the task at hand. It became routine faster than I thought it would, and I found out a lot about vampire gossip. 

We started with basic things, like how I would hunt, and little tricks that would help me resist humans. Kate particularly liked taking me into town to go shopping, and of course, to put these tricks into action – not that she saw it that way, anything that had to do with spending money Kate loved. As much as I hated shopping almost on a daily basis, I had to admit, the mind blocks worked. I was almost immune to human blood from the start, but not completely, of course.

We tried for several days to figure out if I had a special gift, but it turned out that I probably didn't. We couldn't really tell, since no one had powers of their own. Carmen tried everything to see if something would arise, but all we came up with was that I was a tad bit faster than the average vampire, even for a newbie. I found it utterly ironic that I hated speed as a human, yet now I yearned for it – needed it almost. I now knew why all the Cullens drove so fast, and why Edward preferred to run – it was completely exhilarating.

I had been in Denali for almost three weeks now, but I hadn't been out of the house in a few days. So, today was another test day, to make sure I could still resist humans.

We – well, mostly Kate - were currently browsing our way through the mall once again. Kate was pulling me from store to store, and I was only enduring it because she promised to spoil me at the record store afterward. I was going to make sure she would keep that promise, too.

I was holding up pretty well – as far as humans and blood were concerned - although, with Kate pulling on my arm every five minutes, I was sure to dislocate something by the end of the day. Can vampires even dislocate things? I was pretty sure they couldn't, but with my track record it wouldn't surprise me if I accomplished something of that nature.

Kate was strolling down the aisles of an expensive looking clothing store. I didn't bother looking at the name for fear of recognizing how expensive these clothes really were. She was looking intently at every garment, but then a smile broke out on her face. I gave her a confused glance, which caused my contact to shift into an uncomfortable position.

I was in the middle of rearranging said contact when Kate pulled a shirt off the rack and held it up to my chest. She cocked her head to the side, like she always did when she was concentrating, and examined the piece of cotton/polyester blend in front of her.

"What size are you?" She asked abruptly. I was still trying to get my stupid eyewear to fit properly and her question sort of surprised me. I ended up poking myself in the eye (not a good idea, by the way).

"Uh, I don't know. I think it changed when I…well you know. A small maybe?" I frowned and twitched a little; my eye was doing this stinging thing now. I couldn't believe I didn't even know what size I was now. That's what I got for not paying attention to that type of thing.

"Okay, this should fit you then," she shoved the shirt into my hands and turned back to the rack.

"You're not making me try it on?" I gaped. I was beginning to believe that Kate was a Godsend, she saved me in awkward situations, she didn't make me try on clothes. She was amazing.

"Nope, takes too much time. We have lots of stores to still go to, and if you want to make it to the record store before closing, then we can't waste any time," she explained.

I was still staring at her, wide-eyed. "Kate, I think I love you," I blabbed.

She turned to me and giggled. "I know you do, I'm special like that."

I started laughing with her. Kate was fast approaching the top of my list of favorite people. If she didn't stop surprising me like this, she would knock Alice out of the race very soon.

We hit five more stores before Kate decided to give up and hold true to her promise. I could see the apprehension on her face as we walked through the doors, but I really wasn't caring. I was in heaven; every CD I ever wanted was located on this very premises, and I was not leaving until I had them all.

I ended up with about four and half bags filled to the brim with CDs. Kate was more than happy to pay for them all, but not before I made her listen to some of the bands. She instantly fell in love with a couple of them and ended up buying copies of the CDs for herself.

All in all, today was pretty awesome.

Kate sped all the way home, going about a hundred and fifty miles an hour. I wasn't afraid to look out the windows anymore. I actually enjoyed watching everything pass by in a blur.

As we approached the house, I saw Eleazar and Carmen sitting on the porch swing, probably waiting for us to return.

Eleazar stood and slowly made his way over to my side of the car. He opened the door for me and I climbed out and thanked him.

"What's up?" I asked.

Eleazar cleared his throat – even though he didn't need to – and began. "I called the hospital today. They told me Carlisle was offered a job in Arizona that he couldn't pass up. That's all they knew."

Well, there went that potential lead. I knew the Cullens wouldn't be in Arizona; they wouldn't go anywhere near the southern states. Which was sort of good for me, since it eliminated about half the United States – well, more like half the world, actually. It narrowed my search by quite a bit.

"Anything else?" I said in a low voice. I was disappointed, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to get much information from the hospital in the first place. I let myself hope again, which wasn't the best idea these days.

"I've been trying to trace their credit card accounts, but they've been extra careful and everything traces to different locations everytime they use one. It's a dead end. I'm sorry," he bent his head in shame. Eleazar was a lot like Edward in many ways; they always blamed themselves for things they couldn't control.

I smiled half-heartedly and hugged Eleazar lightly. "You tried. That's all that matters. And we'll find them, I know we will." I was being a little more optimistic than usual lately; someone had to be.

"Did you try their phones?" Kate asked.

"Every number is disconnected and they don't have a forwarding number," Eleazar replied.

"Bummer," Kate sighed.

We started walking back to the house and sort of fell into an agreed silence after that. Kate followed me to my room and laid my bags on my bed.

"Thanks Kate," I gave a small smile.

"It's no problem," she smiled back. "Are you confining yourself for the night?"

"Yeah, I've got some work to do," I pointed at the desk behind me. "Thanks again, for today. It was fun."

"Shopping is always fun with me," Kate rolled her eyes.

I laughed. "You're way too overconfident sometimes."

"Hey!" she seemed offended. "There is no such thing as overconfidence, just cockiness. And I am not cocky."

"Uh-huh," I said slowly. "Whatever floats your boat. Now get out, I have stuff to do."

* * *

_I was really tempted to make Bella say 'whatever tickles your pickle' but I didn't think it would be appropriate._

**Playlist:**  
There's a Class for this – Cute is what We Aim for  
Tangled – Big 10-4  
All the Small Things – Blink-182  
Seventy times 7 – Brand New  
On My Own – Hedley  
Wine Red – The Hush Sound  
Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World  
All We Know – Paramore  
Bouncing off the Walls Again – Sugarcult

Readyfuels – Anberlin


	4. Over My Head

**A/N: **wow. i think this is the longest i've gone without updating in a while. my idea of writing like 3 or 4 chapters and then posting them while i'm on vacation isn't working out too well. i'm not even finished with chapter 5 yet. ugh. but i do have the ending finished, and the alternate ending too. that makes me happy.

this is my horrible excuse for a filler chapter. Bella is a little out of character, even by my standards, but whatever, she'll go back to normal in the next chapter, I promise.

And yes, I know this chapter sucks, but seriously, bare with me.

**Disclaimer:** has anyone every _actually_ gotten sued because they didn't put a disclaimer on their fanfic? didn't think so.

* * *

"_It's coming down to nothing more than apathy…Let's rearrange I wish you were a stranger I could disengage. Just say that we agree and then never change…" _– Over my Head, The Fray.

In a futile attempt to see if they hadn't gone far, I searched every hospital in Washington and Alaska for a Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

I got nothing.

So I decided 'hey, maybe they left the country.' Canada and Britain were on the top of the list at the moment. I had already eliminated Montreal and parts of Ontario when Kate came rushing into my room – with Tanya and Irina in tow – demanding that I go out tonight.

According to her I needed to broaden my social horizons – or something along those lines. Whatever. I had better things to do. Finding the Cullens was something that could not be interrupted.

Well, until three vampires start begging you to leave your room, that is.

I was still looking up phone numbers of hospitals in Ontario and half listening to Kate and Tanya going on and on about how I needed to have fun and just loosen up. Irina was sitting on my bed looking thoroughly amused at the sight in front of her. This was probably the most entertainment she had gotten in a few months. I didn't blame her; the situation was probably pretty funny if you were a third party observer with no personal interest in the matter.

"Come on, Bella. You have to get out of the house sometime. You haven't left in almost a week," Tanya begged. "Please! Just this once."

"You'll have fun," Kate promised.

I sighed and finally gave up. I mean, what the hell? I might as well have some amount of fun while I'm here, right? Right. I thought I deserved it. And even though that small amount of fun that awaited me tonight was probably more miniscule than I could imagine, I really did need to get out of the house. The claustrophobia was starting to set in, and I really needed to get my mind off of Edward for a while.

"Fine," I said, "but just this once. And you better not make me wear something completely ridiculous, either." I felt that I was being pretty reasonable, considering that I was probably being dragged off to some club somewhere and I'd be forced to dance with god knows who.

"You ruin all our fun, Bella," Irina complained, jumping off the bed and making her way over to my closet.

"You'll live," I shrugged and followed.

It took Irina and me forty-five minutes to get an outfit together that we both agreed on. I ended up in my favorite pair of dark washed jeans and my 'nerds have big hard drives' t-shirt from Hollister. It was the only thing I actually owned from that store, but it was an awesome shirt; I couldn't help but buy it. I didn't even like Hollister otherwise.

"Bella, you can't wear that," Kate stood in front of the door and put her hands on her hips.

I looked down at my outfit and frowned. "Why not?"

"Okay, let me rephrase my last statement. Bella get _more_ clothes on. If you walk outside like that, you'll defeat the purpose of trying to fit in. Get a hoodie or something."

"Oh!" I laughed. "Right, I'll meet you guys in the car."

I ran up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom in a matter of seconds. I grabbed the first hoodie I found which turned out to be a plain black Volcom one that Kate bought for me on our last shopping trip. I ran back downstairs and out the door and came to a halt in front of Kate's Jaguar XKR coupe.

"You get shotgun, Bella!" Kate called from the driver's seat and motioned for me to get in.

I smiled wickedly to myself. I loved this car. I was thinking of maybe getting one for myself when I got the money. The XKR was still a prototype, though. Kate managed to snag one when she accidentally – although, I'm not sure how 'accidentally' it really was – seduced the CEO of Jaguar International, himself.

"It was an innocent mistake," Kate had said when she told me the story. Yeah, innocent, my butt. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Kate went speeding down the highway at almost 200 MPH. I could tell she loved putting her 420 horsepower engine to work. I might just have to steal this car from her one day. God knows I'll never drive my truck again.

Kate pulled her iPod out of the glove compartment and handed it to me so I could pick the music. We always did this just to torture Tanya and Irina, who pretty much hated our taste in music.

Tanya and Irina were, as usual, complaining in the back. They were asking me to put on something that would interest everyone, so I turned on some Bach, just to annoy them.

"Bellaaaa! At least put something upbeat on!" Irina groaned. "And from this century!"

I chuckled to myself and changed it to a random Thrice song. The complaining from the peanut gallery continued.

"You can do better than that, Bella." Tanya leaned forward and smacked my shoulder.

"Fine, I will," I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I searched through the artists until I came to something I knew they wouldn't nag me about too much.

"Happy now?" I asked when I changed it to Jimmy Eat World.

"Very," Tanya sat back in her seat. "Thank you."

Kate started laughing and shaking her head like she couldn't believe this was happening. It did seem sort of ridiculous; three immortals fighting about what songs to listen to while driving to a club in the middle of the night.

"So, where are we going anyway?" I asked, still looking through songs on Kate's iPod. I was debating on whether to keep pissing Tanya and Irina off, or just give up and play something I knew they liked.

"Anchorage," Kate answered plainly, looking straight ahead at the road.

"Why Anchorage?" I frowned.

"All the clubs are there," she giggled. "And it's much more fun."

"Right, 'cause you can't do any better than Anchorage, Alaska," I rolled my eyes.

"You want to go to Canada instead?" Kate asked, still not looking away from the road.

"No, Anchorage is fine," I said a little too quickly.

* * *

I felt like we'd been driving for hours even with Kate's speeding habits. As I glanced at the clock on the dashboard my suspicions were confirmed; we'd been on the road for exactly two hours.

"Where is this place?" I complained.

"Downtown Anchorage," Kate said. "We'll be there in a few minutes, don't worry."

Sure enough, about five minutes later Kate was handing her car keys to the valet and walking around the Jaguar at a human speed.

"I'm horribly under dressed," I cringed as I stared at the massive building in front of me. It sort of looked like an airplane hanger that was retrofitted to be a club. The place reminded me of something you would find in Las Vegas or Hollywood, someplace along those lines.

Kate giggled and threw and arm around my shoulders. "Its okay, you're too beautiful for anyone to notice."

If I were human I would have blushed at the compliment, but now I just smiled sheepishly and snaked an arm around Kate's waist.

Tanya and Irina appeared at my other side and we all walked to the entrance. The bouncer beamed when he saw us.

"Tanya! Darling, you're back!" He exclaimed, abandoning his post to give us all hugs. He stopped when he got to me. "And who might you be?" he asked.

"Bella Swan," Kate answered for me.

"Oh!" The bouncer raised an eyebrow. "Elle est étonnante," he complimented.

"It's good to see you again, Antoine," Kate smiled and kissed his cheeks.

"Kate, my dear, you are more lovely than ever. Please, go right inside, I'm sure everyone will be dying to see you," Antoine motioned for us to step through the door, and we obeyed.

Kate took the lead. She let go of my shoulders and just grabbed my hand instead. She led us through the crowd, past the bar and up a staircase that was somewhat hidden in the background. If you didn't know where it was, you probably wouldn't be able to find it.

At the top of the stairs was a huge black door that looked like it was locked, but Kate twisted the knob and walked right in.

I could tell by the isolation of the room and the glass wall over looking the club that this was most likely the V.I.P lounge. I should have figured; Kate and her cousins were always ones for the flashy lifestyle – when they wanted to live that way, at least. They would probably live in California if they could go out into the sun without causing traffic accidents.

A couple sitting at the far end of the private bar looked up as we entered the room. The girls face lit up and she smiled wider than I would have thought possible.

"Kate!" She exclaimed and bounced over to give my friend a hug.

"Darcy!" Kate dropped my hand and hugged the girl.

They embraced for what seemed like ages and then finally pulled apart.

"Darcy, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is Darcy Taylor," Kate pointed back and forth between us.

Darcy's eyes bulged out of her skull when Kate said my last name. "_The _Bella Swan?"

Was it just me, or did everyone seem to know me these days?

"Yes," I replied.

"I thought you were human," Darcy suddenly frowned. I was getting that reaction a lot lately, too, it seemed.

Kate elbowed her friend in the ribs and gave her that 'what's wrong with you, that's rude' glare I got sometimes when she took me out shopping.

"I was human until about two months ago," I explained. It amazed me how unfazed I was with this conversation. It almost seemed natural. Almost being the key word there.

Darcy's eyes turned curious. "Did Edward finally turn you? I've been waiting to hear about that, I can't believe it took me this long."

I shrugged. "I'm not sure; I don't know where he is."

"Oh," She said simply. I could tell she was a little surprised about that. "But he did turn you, right?"

"I don't know who turned me. I have no memory of it," I shrugged again.

Darcy moved toward me and hugged me tightly. "Oh you poor dear," she whispered.

Kate came to my rescue and pulled her friend off of me. "She doesn't need your pity party, Darcy. We're here to have fun."

"Thank you," I mouthed to Kate when Darcy slumped back over to the man still sitting at the far end of the bar.

Kate smiled and grabbed my hand again. She pulled me over to the bar. She sat me on a stool and waved over the bar tender.

"What'll it be?" he asked.

"Two Bloody Mary's, please," Kate said sweetly. The bar tender nodded and walked away.

I looked at Kate in confusion. "We can't drink those, though."

"It's just for show, silly," she giggled. "We have appearances to keep up and if we're at a club not drinking, it looks a little suspicious."

"Right," I nodded and rolled my eyes.

I lost track of time as I sat at my bar stool and played with the celery in my Bloody Mary. I was trying to keep my face composed but the smell of the drink in front of me was starting to make me gag.

I swiveled around and stared at the makeshift dance floor that Kate, Tanya, Irina and Darcy had made in the middle of the V.I.P room. Antoine had sent some guys up about a half-hour ago and they were very content dancing with the four beautiful women in front of them. I had to admit, they were kinda cute…for humans.

I leaned back against the bar watched Kate sway along with the music. She looked so happy, so content; it made me a little jealous.

She spotted me staring after a few minutes and beckoned me to join her. I scrunched up my nose and shook my head furiously. Kate wouldn't have it; she stopped dancing and walked over to where I sat.

"Come on," She grabbed my hands and pulled me off the stool.

"I can't dance," I grimaced.

"Everyone can dance, Bella," Kate said. She was pulled me closer and closer to the dance floor.

"You didn't know me when I was human," I whispered to make sure only she heard.

Kate just giggled. "I heard stories, and don't worry, you seem pretty graceful now."

"I don't want to take the chance," I said.

"Too bad," she shook her head. "You're dancing. And that's final."

I ended up dancing until we were getting kicked out at dawn. Tanya asked Antoine to pull the car up in back, since it was a little sunny this morning and we didn't want to risk getting exposed.

"Did you have fun, Bella?" Irina asked when we were safely inside Kate's Jaguar.

I hesitated. "I…guess," I shrugged.

I risked a glance at Kate and instantly regretted it. "Don't you dare say it," I warned.

"I'm going to anyway," She laughed and stuck her tongue out at me. "I told you so."

* * *

i really want some criticism on this chapter beause i've never written a chapter just as a filler and i want to know if i'm any good at it or not.

**Playlist:**

Over my Head (Cable Car) – The Fray  
Paperthin Hymn – Anberlin  
Audrey, Start the Revolution – Anberlin  
Days go By – Dirty Vegas  
Sugar, We're Going Down – Fall Out Boy  
The Pros and Cons of Breathing – Fall Out Boy  
The Melting Point of Wax – Thrice  
Made of Glass – Trapt  
Space – Something Corporate  
The Authority Song – Jimmy Eat World  
The 12 Minute Techno Song – I have no idea who composed it.


	5. Basement Ghost Singing

**A/n:** this is the longest chapter i've written so far. it kind of drags on a little in the middle(ha! i rhymed) but i still think its good.

oh, sorry for the complete uselessness of the last chapter. this chapter should make up for it even though you'll hate me at the end. hehe.

my english teacher gave me the coolest compliment the other day. okay, so she said "when you get famous, remember me" that made my day. well, my week actually. its an honor when your own english teacher thinks you're a good writer.

* * *

"_I have my own routine now, I'm keeping busy in my own way, I'm learning ways to not feel…_ _I miss you more than you know…"_ – Basement Ghost Singing, Armor for Sleep. 

I decided after five months of living with Carmen and Kate paying for everything I owned that I needed to get a job so I could pay them back. They objected profusely to the paying them back part but thought it would be a good idea if I got out of the house on a daily basis. They practically shoved me out the door when I told them my idea.

The job search didn't take long – not surprising considering how small of a town we actually lived in. I had a choice between waitressing at the local diner, taking tickets at the movie theatre, or stacking books at a small bookstore.

I took the bookstore, point blank. There was no way I would live through eight hours of sniffing food or ripping little pieces paper five days a week and sometimes weekends. And the smell of popcorn sickened me as a human so I didn't want to think about how it would affect me now – the thought made me shudder. Books, I could handle. I liked books; they were opinionated but they never talked back to you – a very good combination for a girl like me.

The hours I worked were bogus (I mean, what happened to the good old nine to five bit?) and I wanted to shoot my boss for being such a…I don't want to say the word – it's highly inappropriate – use your imagination with that one. But at least it kept me busy and my coworkers were actually pretty cool. The pay was actually good, too – a definite plus, I thought.

I killed two birds with one stone with this job. Plus, I wasn't constantly worrying about finding the Cullens anymore. This preoccupation thing was easier than I thought it would be – well, until my mind started wandering (which it did a lot).

The store wasn't usually crowded, but today we were over flowing with customers. My usual 8 to 4 shift was being extended to closing; an extra five hours of manual labor since the stock room clerk was out sick today – again. I should probably rethink that statement about cool coworkers – only one was actually cool, and that was Jill, my manager.

I wasn't complaining too much, I really didn't feel like going home anytime soon; my search was still coming up completely blank and I was almost through the list of European countries that I was looking in. I was beginning to think that the Cullens had dropped off the face of the planet, but there were still a million places I hadn't looked yet. Maybe they went to Russia or something. The image of Emmett dancing like one of those Russian line dancers (or whatever they're called) almost made me fall on the floor laughing.

I was back in the stock room, searching for another box of the latest Harry Potter book when my cell phone started buzzing in my pocket. I stood up from my crouched position and flipped open my phone.

"Hello?" I asked, still searching the rows of boxes.

"Bella, where are you?" Carmen's voice came from the other end. Her voice clearly sounded stressed. Leave it to Carmen to call me in the middle of work just to see where I was. I thought it would be obvious, but then again Carmen was a little slow on the uptake sometimes – I blamed it on the cooking; all those fumes probably fried her brain.

"Oh! Carmen," I wasn't at all surprised she was calling, although I tried to sound that way – it made for interesting conversations with Kate when I got home (don't ask). This happened almost every time I worked over time. "Sorry, but Jill asked me to work over time today. We're swamped for some reason and Patrick decided to be a butt and call in sick again."

I heard the sigh of relief and fought to suppress my laughter; it didn't work too well. Carmen worried about me too much. If I wasn't home right on time she would start thinking I had been kidnapped or murdered or something – like that could happen to me. Well, maybe it could, but that's not the point.

"You could have at least called," she scolded. She was sounding like my mother; I didn't like it.

"I'm sorry, I've been busy," I retorted. "I'll be home around 10, maybe sooner, who knows."

"Fine," she sighed again. "I'll see you then."

I rolled my eyes. "Bye, Carmen." I shut my phone. God, that woman needed a life that didn't include getting ulcers from worrying too much. I wondered idly if vampires could get ulcers – probably not.

After twenty minutes of searching, I finally concluded that we were completely out of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I walked over to the cash register to tell Jill that we needed to order new copies, but she wasn't there. Where the heck did she go?

I groaned as I saw the huge line and went to start ringing people up.

"Sorry for the wait," I apologized to everyone as I assisted them with their purchases. I could hear the angry mutters and coughs that were meant to cover up the profanities. I wanted to laugh, but I knew I shouldn't even be able to hear that stuff in the first place.

Jill finally came back when I was finishing with the last of the customers. She looked a little sick, like she'd been throwing up for the past half hour.

"Thanks, Bella," She croaked, coming to a stop at the register next to me.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good," I frowned at the middle aged woman in front of me. I was genuinely worried – I was afraid I would have to rush her to the hospital or something.

"Its nothing," She waved an arm of dismissal. "Just morning sickness, I suppose."

"You're pregnant?" I gasped. How could she not tell me?! I thought we were friends. Maybe we weren't close enough for that stuff yet.

She smiled sadly – although I couldn't fathom why - and nodded. I decided not ask questions; she looked like she didn't want to answer them.

"You should go home, I'll close up for you tonight," I offered.

"Oh no, I couldn't do that to you. Max'll kill me if he finds out, anyway."

"Well Max won't find out, now will he?" I held out my hand, palm up, and waited for her to dispose the keys.

"You're a life saver, Bella," Jill smiled again, but happier this time.

"It's the least I can do. You work too hard." And she did. Jill was only the manager but she acted like she owned the place – which was probably a good thing in the long run because Max would have had to sell the store a long time ago if it wasn't for Jill.

"Go home, lie down, eat some saltines," I scooted her toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, Bella," Jill waved and walked out to her car.

I glanced at the clock. It was only 8:30 but it felt much later. I was starting to get anxious and I really wanted to go home – now. I had so much work to do there that this job didn't seem as important at the moment.

There were a few customers lingering around the shelves, staring at the vast number of titles in front of them. I had the sudden urge to just kick them out and go home, but I knew i would probably get fired for that.

The huge room was dead silent until the door clinked open and closed. I looked up from the computer screen to see Eleazar trying be nonchalant at the 'New Releases' table.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. This was ridiculous; Carmen had gone too far this time.

"Eleazar," I hissed just low enough for him to hear.

His head snapped up and he and walked over to the counter where I was standing.

"What are you doing here?" I frowned at him.

He gave me a fake innocent smile and shrugged. "I'm a customer, I swear."

"Carmen sent you to check up on me, didn't she?" I asked.

Eleazar's eyes shifted from left to right quickly and then fixed on my face. "Maybe," he muttered.

"Go home and tell Carmen to stop worrying about me. I'm not dead – well, not in the _literal_ sense of the word," I smiled sheepishly. "You get the point, though."

Eleazar ignored me. "How much of a discount do you get?" he asked.

"Eleazar…" I warned. "I know she sent you to make sure I'm still here. Now go home and tell her to cook something. Or, even better, why don't _you_ do something to preoccupy her."

An evil glint appeared in his eyes and I was suddenly glad that I couldn't read his mind. He opened his mouth to talk but I put up a finger to silence him.

"No details," I said. "Please." My imagination was bad enough without his input to make it worse.

"I'll see you at home, Bella." Eleazar rolled his eyes and sauntered out the door.

At about 9:15 the store was pretty much deserted so I decided to close a little early. I cleared out the cash register and placed all the money in the safe in Jill's office. I walked through every room and made sure all the lights were off before I finally left.

I reluctantly got into my truck and started driving home. I felt like I was going five miles an hour the whole way there even though I pushed the speedometer passed sixty. I was seriously starting to consider stealing Kate's Jaguar now; she wouldn't miss it – too much. There was no way I would be able to stand this truck for another day. I could walk home faster than this stupid thing traveled.

When I finally got home I didn't bother seeing if anyone was available for hanging out. I knew Tanya and Irina were gone for the night but I didn't know where Kate was. I didn't even want to start thinking about what Eleazar and Carmen were doing – that was their business, not mine.

I walked to my room at a human pace (just to pass some time) and threw my car keys on the bed side table before making my way over to my laptop.

I immediately went to work as soon as my wireless internet connected. I pulled up the yellow pages for the phone numbers of hospitals in Amsterdam and started writing them down one by one.

Then I started calling every single number. The task was tedious and absolutely boring but I knew it had to be done in order to find Edward and the rest of his family.

I got through everything in forty-five minutes.

Nothing. I should've expected as much; this happened with every country I looked in – well, obviously since, if I had found them, I wouldn't be looking anymore.

Well, that eliminated Holland. I was out of European countries to search.

Back to the good old United States of America, I suppose. I decided to start with the East Coast – the states were smaller which meant fewer hospitals which meant faster work. Maybe I would have some luck there, even though I highly doubted it.

About a quarter of the way through Maine, Kate came barging into my room – nothing unusual there – demanding that I hang out with her – again, not unusual.

"Kate, I'm busy," I whined. It was the same argument everytime and I knew that I would eventually give in, but it was habit to say this now. Plus, her responses were hilarious sometimes.

"I know, which is why I'm trying to distract you," she smiled wickedly.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "What do you have in mind?"

She went quiet for a moment and at first I thought she left the room, but when I turned around, Kate was staring at the weathered envelope next to my keys on my bed side table.

"Bella," Kate asked. "What's this?" She pointed to the envelope.

"A letter," I stated.

She turned and scowled at me. "I know _that_! I meant, who is it from? It doesn't have a return address."

"Edward," I mumbled. I hoped she wouldn't hear it, but I knew she did when her eyes grew wide and she stared at me in shock.

"You haven't opened it?"

"Nope," I shook my head.

"Can I open it?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Absolutely not!" I almost shrieked.

"Why not? What if he tells you where he is? What if he says that he's the one who changed you?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "And what if he tells me he doesn't love me? Or what if he wrote that he left because he got bored and I'm never to go looking for him?" I didn't like the 'what if' game. There were too many 'what ifs' in life. Too many uncertainties, too many possibilities, too many outcomes.

Kate bit her lip. "You have a point there."

"I know I do. Which is why neither of us is opening that letter," I said as sternly as I could.

"So, back to trying to distract you!" Kate smiled.

"Yes," I smiled back. "That seems like a much better idea than it did before. What do you have in mind?"

"Well," she shrugged. "I was thinking a Jenga marathon and singing along to cheesy music."

"Okay, but we have to stop after six hours because last time we did this I was late for work."

"Hey," Kate threw up her hands. "That was your fault, not mine."

"You're the one who wouldn't move!" I cried. "I just wanted to finish the stupid game!" That's what I got for having a phobia of leaving things unfinished.

We bickered all the way down the stairs and into the living room. Kate finally shut up when she thrust the Jenga pieces at me and went to turn on the stereo.

As much as I didn't – or at least wouldn't admit that I did - want to, I ended up playing a grand total of sixty-three games of Jenga in seven hours. And as much I wish I wouldn't admit this, it was absolutely fun.

Especially about four hours in, when Kate decided that sing Queen at the top of our lungs wasn't cutting it anymore and she subjected us to an almost endless playlist of Disney songs. I loved Disney. Name one movie and I'll be able to sing at least one song from it – yeah, I'm a dork, but I love the way I am.

I hadn't had this much fun the time I was human and I pulled an all nighter and stayed at the Cullens. I remembered that Edward objected to my not sleeping that night but he quickly forgot about it when we walked into the living room and found Emmett and Alice wrestling over the TV remote. Rosalie and Jasper were sitting on the couch cheering on their respective partner.

It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen; little four foot ten inch Alice beating the living daylights out of huge burly Emmett. And she was winning too, which completely took me by surprise.

God, I missed them.

I actually wanted to stop playing around four in the morning when Eleazar came downstairs to yell at us for singing so loud (why it took him so long to actually come out of his room, I didn't want to start pondering) – which we didn't obey to, and he just stomped upstairs again like a little five year old.

But Kate, with her big puppy dog eyes and innocent smiles, guilted me into playing more.

Kate started getting mad at me when kept putting _I'll Make a Man out of You_ – which is actually my favorite Disney song – on repeat at six in the morning. That's when she finally let me go so I could shower and clean up before my half-shift at the book store today.

We never did finish game number sixty-four.

* * *

Patrick actually came into work today so I didn't even have to work a half-shift. It was more like a 'what the hell are you doing here, you won't even get paid for today because it'll all be taken out at tax time' sort of shift. I liked it. 

Jill looked a lot better than she had last night and she actually took my advice and ate some saltines while watching reruns of Friends. I was surprised because I had only heard about them working; I never thought they actually would. But it made me happy nonetheless – no one ever took my advice before.

I worked a total of three and a half hours, so I decided to drive home slower than usual. I had no idea why I had the sudden urge to do so, but I felt like I needed to pass the time somehow.

As I pulled up to the house I noticed there was an extra car in the driveway. It was old, so I knew it definitely wasn't one of ours. Did we have guests?

"Carmen? Kate? You home?" I called as I slipped through the front door. I know that they were, of course, but I still asked out of habit.

Carmen appeared in the entryway with a grim expression on her face. I couldn't fathom what would make her looked that way. Her face was paler than usual, and her face looked older somehow; like she aged ten years in the last three hours.

She was staring at me with disappointment in her eyes. That was clear enough. I didn't know why; what had I done? I couldn't recall anything that would make Carmen frown, or even look at me the way she was. I didn't understand what was going on.

"Bella, you have a visitor."

Well, now I knew why.

* * *

**Playlist:  
**Basement Ghost Singing – Armor for Sleep  
Time to Waste – Alkaline Trio  
I Know the Feeling – The Classic Crime  
How to Save a Life – The Fray  
Night Drive – Jimmy Eat World  
Cemetery Drive – My Chemical Romance  
Franklin – Paramore  
Whispers in the Dark - Skillet 


	6. Just Like I Remember

**A/n:** its sad how this is the shortest yet most important chapter before Bella find the Cullens. i had to make it short though, becuase if i didn't i would start rambling and then the whole point of the chapter would be compromised. so yeah.

your reviews make me happy! although, i have to say i miss getting them from saranicole. yep.

OH MY GOD, GUESS WHAT?! i got my first hateful review yesterday!!! aahh!! it was so exciting(i don't think i should be this happy about a hateful review, especially since the person blatantly called me a racist, but its soooo funny!!! hahahah! i dated a black guy once, how am i racist?) so if you all want to see this wondeful review, its on my old story _This is How the Story Goes_. go read it, its hilarious.

**Disclaimer:** if you've been reading this, then you pretty much know for sure that I don't own anything.

* * *

"_And she walks just like I remember, like something's on her mind. And she said (and she said) that she would still remember, when everything, everything was fine. I wish everything was fine…"_ – Just Like I Remember, Bleed the Dream. 

My visitor had an all too familiar face. As soon as I saw him I wanted nothing more than to turn tail and run. But something inside me propelled me forward and before I knew it, I was standing across from him, staring at him incredulously.

"J–Jacob?" I stammered. I lowered myself cautiously into the loveseat behind me. I sat dangerously close to the edge but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was still trying to snap myself out of this delusion I was having. Or at least I hoped I was having a delusion; it would be much better than reality right now.

"Bella," he smiled. He seemed genuinely happy to see me.

"How–what–I'm confused," I said. My head was swimming with question after question. How did he find me? What was he doing here? Would he notice that I looked different? Did he tell Charlie where I was? Oh crap, what if he did?

"You look good," Jacob frowned and stared at me, studying my face. Great, he did notice. How was I going to explain this? If I even explained at all?

"What are you doing here?" The question kind of just spat itself out – I didn't mean to say it.

"I had to make sure you were okay. When Charlie told us that you ran away, he feared the worst. He thought the Cullens had something to do with it. It took everything in Billy to convince him not to call in the National Guard to come looking for you." Great, Charlie probably thinks Edward and I ran off to Vegas and got married or something. I wouldn't put it past my father to think the entire Cullen family was in on the plan, either.

"How did you find me?" It was starting to feel like my mind and my mouth were no longer connected and my mouth was off on its own little rampage.

"You're truck is very hard to forget," – I knew I should have gotten rid of that hunk of junk a long time ago – "and you used you're real name and social security number when you got that job. All I had to do was call your boss and ask for your address." I seriously wanted to stab Max in the eye with a blunt, preferably rusty, object right about now. That man was my own version of the devil; I didn't know why I still worked for him – oh yeah, Jill, money, preoccupation.

"You shouldn't have come," I shook my head.

"What?" Jacob frowned. "Why?" The disbelief and confusion were apparent in his voice.

"You shouldn't have come," I repeated. I couldn't think of anything else to say and that seemed like it was good enough.

"But don't you get it, Bella! You can come home now. You don't have to live with these people. You can come home."

"Jacob," I sighed. "I can't go back to Forks. And plus, I like living here. Carmen and Eleazar have been nothing but good to me and I owe them so much. I can't just leave. I can't do that to them. I _won't_ do that to them."

"I don't understand," he whispered.

And he never would. Ugh, how was I going to explain this in terms he would comprehend? This was going to be a long conversation. Or a very short one, depending on how well he took what I was about to tell him.

"Jake, I don't think you can understand. There's no way I can explain this without you thinking that I've gone completely off the deep end."

"Try me," he challenged.

"I–I wish I could," I replied. "But I just can't. All I can tell you is that I'm not going to leave with you. I'm not going back to Forks."

Jacob sat there for a few minutes, staring at my face like he was trying to grasp the concept of what I was saying. I didn't know how else I could tell him that I wasn't leaving without telling him the entire story – and I really didn't want to get into that.

"Bella please," He said finally. "You have to come back. Charlie needs you."

Jacob was sinking low with that one. Leaving Charlie was hard enough without having to be reminded of how much he missed me or how much he needed me. As much as I loved my father, he was probably better off without out me at this point.

"Does Charlie know you're here?" I asked warily. I was hoping he would say no. There I go hoping again – such a disgusting emotion, especially for a girl like me.

Jacob nodded firmly. "Of course he does."

"Aw, Jacob!" I groaned and slapped my forehead. "Does he know you've actually found me?"

"Well," he shrugged. "Not exactly."

"Good," I relaxed a little. "When you leave, I need you to tell him you didn't find me."

"Why?" How did I know he would ask that? Oh yeah, because humans are just naturally curious creatures. I silently cursed biology and brain chemistry for making this conversation _that_ much harder.

"Charlie can't know I'm here." There. That sounded like a reasonable answer, right? It gave just enough information without revealing too much.

"Why?" Damn that stupid word to hell! I know for sure that Jacob Black is capable of saying other things and yet, it seems like only one word can be uttered from his mouth at the moment.

"Because he just can't okay?" I snapped. I was really on the verge of being angry right now. I didn't care if I came off as rude. I just wanted Jacob to leave so I could get on with my life.

Wow, that sounded selfish.

"Um, okay," Jacob blinked a couple of time and regained his composure. "Whatever you want, Bella."

"Thank you," my expression softened somewhat.

We fell into an extremely uncomfortable silence for what seemed like hours but was probably about five or ten minutes.

"Jake," I said finally. "I think you should go."

"You're probably right." Jacob stood up from the couch.

"It was good to see you again. I wish the circumstances were different though."

"Yeah, me too. You should come visit some time."

I only nodded and led Jacob to the front door. I didn't know what else to do.

"Take care of yourself, Bella." Jacob smiled sadly.

"You too. And watch out for Charlie for me, will you?"

He nodded, "Definitely."

"Thank you," I smiled. Jacob only nodded and turned around to walk to his car.

As soon as I heard the car door open I was on my way to the kitchen to bash my head against the counter. Maybe that would knock some sense into me. How could I have been stupid enough to allow someone to find me? What if Jacob had found out what we were? I am so stupid.

Carmen was going to kill me. I was going to get kicked out and abandoned and I'd have nowhere left to go. I hit my head continuously against the marble countertops and wished it hurt more than it did. I needed a good dose of pain, maybe it would make me think clearly.

When I was completely certain Jacob was far enough away, I ran out of the kitchen and grabbed my car keys and headed toward the front door.

Carmen intercepted me half-way there. "Where are you going?" she asked.

I pushed her lightly out of the way and walked out the door.

"I'm going to find a way to total my truck," I called before closing the door behind me.

I did eventually find a way to total that hunk of rusting metal, but I ended up having to walk about three hundred miles to get home.

I thought about calling Kate and asking her to come pick me up, but I wasn't sure if she even wanted to talk to me. I wasn't sure if any of them wanted to talk to me.

I mostly ran home; it helped to clear my head some.

When I walked through the front door I could already hear Carmen's frantic dry sobbing. Did something happen while I was gone?

I stood by the coat closet; afraid to move for fear that I would be kicked out of the house the second someone found me.

Kate came running down the stairs at human speed and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me. "She's home!"

Carmen was in front of me the next instant, embracing me and still crying into my shoulder.

"You will _never_ do that to me again! Do you hear me?" she pulled away enough to glare at me.

"You don't hate me?" I whispered.

"Oh, sweetie, how could I ever hate you?"

"I unknowingly led a human straight to you. I could have gotten you discovered," I hung my head.

Carmen placed a finger under my chin and raised my head. "The key word there is unknowingly."

"You don't hate me?" I repeated to make sure.

"I don't hate you," Carmen smiled.

"_We_ don't hate you," Kate added.

* * *

Two days later, I was sitting at my desk, hunched over my laptop, writing down phone numbers of hospitals and trying to drown out Carmen endless ranting. This multitasking thing wasn't working too well. 

"…and then he had the nerve to tell me I…" Carmen grumbled from my bed.

"Hey, Carmen, I love you and all, but I'm gonna be busy for a while and I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you or something."

"No, that's okay," she stood up and straightened out her shirt. "I worked myself up; I need to go cook something." And then she was out the door.

I picked up my cell phone and started dialing numbers. One by one I crossed them off the list.

I sighed and dialed the next number on the list.

"Livingston General, how may I help you?" An overly cheerful woman asked.

"Um, yes, I was wondering if, by any chance, you had a Dr. Carlisle Cullen on staff…"

* * *

_Oh snap!! Another Cliffie!! Man, am I evil or what?  
_

**Music;;  
**Just Like I Remember – Bleed the Dream  
If I Fail – Cartel  
Headlights – The Classic Crime  
Breathe – Greenwheel  
23 – Jimmy Eat World  
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room – John Mayer  
Sunrise Sunset – New Years Day  
Rebirthing – Skillet  
Winners and Losers – Social Distortion


	7. Drinking and Dialing

**A/n: **you know, i'm only updating because i'm starting to get threats. wow, thats never happened beore. i'm glad so many people like my story. that makes me feel special.

i don't have much to tell you today, except that i'm leaving for Seattle sometime tomorrow. Now, don't go worrying, i have another chapter to post while i'm gone, so i'll post that either christmas eve or christmas day, depending on when i have time. i want to say Happy Hannakah(sp?) to all the jewish people out there in cyber world. i know it started last Friday, but hey, i have eight days to tell you that, so ha!

um, yeah. anyone in the Seattle area, if you wanna hang out after Christmas, give me a jingle. i'm gonna be in downtown seattle and the seattle center all day December 27, so yeah. we should have like a Twilight party. oh man, that'd be awesome(just another reason to make my family think i'm insane, but hey, thats okay.)

wow. this authors note is a lot longer than i thought. oh, i'm pretty sure that after this chapter, theres two more and then the epilogue, it depends on how the 9th chapter flows though. i'm working on that right now. and i'm not going to post the last chapter until i finish the epilogue because you guys will kill me if i don't. there isn't going to be a sequel, becuse, well, there really can't.

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"_I've been dying just to tell you something, I've been waiting oh for so long…I'll pray to god you can not breathe, or go a single day without the thought of me…" _- Drinking and Dialing, InMemory. 

It took me seven months, twenty days, forty-three hours, twelve countries and fourteen states to find them. But I did it. I found them! I thanked god for whatever caused them to never change their names when they relocated, it made my search only that much easier. Well, that and the fact that I knew Carlisle would be working in a hospital somewhere.

The Cullens now resided on a ranch just outside of Livingston, Montana. Carlisle was working nights at the hospital in the city, and Esme was currently 'home-schooling' their adopted children at the ranch. It's amazing the things you can find on the internet.

"I FOUND THEM!" I screamed – even though I didn't need to - and went barreling down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Carmen was standing behind the island squishing bananas in a huge bowl, but as soon as she saw me she stopped what she was doing. "You what?" she asked.

"I found them!" I beamed.

"Where are they?"

"Montana. I'm leaving as soon as Kate gets home," I rushed over to her and hugged her as hard as I could. "Thank you so much for everything, Carmen. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

She hugged me back just as fiercely. "I'm going to miss you," she said.

"I'm going to miss you too," I whispered, not trusting my voice right now. I knew that if we could cry, we would be sobbing right now.

"Bella, Carmen are you home?" Kate called from the front door.

I was in front of her in a flash. "I found them!" I squealed.

Kate's eyes grew wide and she started smiling like a maniac. And then her face fell. "You're leaving," it wasn't a question.

"Come with me!" I suggested. "You haven't seen Alice and Rosalie in forever. I'm sure they miss you just as much as you miss them."

"Oh, Bella, I wish I could. But I think having you show up at their door is going to shock them enough. We don't need them having coronaries or something," she smiled wickedly and winked. We both new the Cullens couldn't have heart attacks, but it was nice to joke about that kind of thing.

"I'll miss you," I said softly.

Kate pulled me into a hug that resembled the one she gave me when I first arrived. "You come back and visit, okay? And bring Edward, too."

"I love you, Kate," I kissed her quickly on the cheek and rushed back to my room to pack.

* * *

"Well, that's the last of it," I said as I pushed the last box onto the passenger seat of my new – well, new to me anyway – 2004 Volvo XC90 (which I bought with the help of Kate).

I shut the door behind me and turned around to face my somewhat dysfunctional but still completely amazing friends. As soon as I saw their faces I wanted to cry. Even Tanya and Irina looked upset that I was leaving.

"It's okay you guys. I'll come back as soon as I can," I promised.

"Call us when you get there," Eleazar said.

"I will, as soon I park the car I'll be on the phone, I swear," I replied and hugged him.

I moved down the line, slowly saying my good-byes and hugging everyone.

"It's going to be too quiet without you, Bella," Carmen smiled sadly.

"You have to tell me everything, every last detail, okay?" Kate demanded even though her voice broke twice. I just nodded in agreement.

"Tell Rosalie that she still has my blue sweater," Tanya laughed half-heartedly.

"You're a good kid, Bella. I'm glad Edward found you," Irina smiled.

"You guys are going to make me cry," I sniffled and wiped a fake tear from my eye. "I love you. All of you, you've been more than good to me. I don't know how I deserved any of it, but thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella." Eleazar answered for everyone.

"I'd better go," I started walking to the driver side of my car.

"Wait!" Kate exclaimed and came running over to me. She handed me a CD.

"It's a mix of all the cheesy songs we used to sing along to," she explained. "It even has Queen on it."

"Thank you," I couldn't stop smiling as I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her again.

"Now go get your man," Kate pushed me away and toward the car.

I got inside and turned on my Volvo. As I pulled out of the drive way, I watched the five people who had become my family fade into the distance. I took a deep breath and silently said good-bye to yet another home.

I drove non-stop all the way through Canada and into Idaho – I strategically avoided Washington altogether. It wasn't until I was almost to the border of Montana that I finally had to stop and get some gas.

It took me another five hours to get into downtown Livingston, and another hour to finally arrive at the ranch where the Cullens now resided.

The drive way was at least a mile long. I was growing impatient but then I finally saw the house in the distance. I pulled up to Edward's Volvo and parked the car, but didn't get out.

I sat in my car, my hands gripping the steering wheel, staring at the massive house in front of me. What if they don't want me back? What if they left because they got tired of me? _Oh god, I don't think I can deal with this._

No. I needed to get ahold of myself. Of course the Cullens wanted me. Of course they would be happy to see me. _But what about Edward?_ I didn't have the faintest clue as to how Edward would react to seeing me. I didn't know how _I_ would react for that matter.

Well, I sighed, here goes nothing.

I was suddenly glad I got here just after dark because there wasn't a cloud in sight, and even though I was in the middle of nowhere I would still stick out like a sore thumb if I was caught in the sunlight.

I pulled Edward's letter off the dashboard, stuck it in the back pocket of my jeans and slid out of my car.

I strode slowly over to the front door of the house. I took a deep breath and went to knock on the door, but it was already opening.

Esme stood before me, completely frozen. She was staring at me like she'd just seen a ghost. I honestly didn't think a person's face could get any whiter, let alone a vampire's.

I smiled wider than I had in months and threw myself at my surrogate mother. She was still frozen but I didn't care; I was hugging Esme, nothing mattered more than that. She was real; I actually _did_ find the Cullens.

"Bella?" she whispered finally.

I pulled away a little reluctantly and took a step back.

"You're…" she stared at me wide-eyed, her face still a ghostly white. "You're a…you're a…"

I was waiting for the rest of her sentence, but she couldn't seem to form the words. It was a little amusing; I'd never seen Esme speechless before.

"You're a…" Esme continued to whisper.

"Vampire!" Alice's voice suddenly cut into the conversation.

"Alice!" I screamed. I pushed passed Esme and ran into the house to where Alice was standing. She staring at me in the same fashion that Esme was. I was getting a really weird feeling, and somehow I knew everyone in the house was shocked – shocked beyond belief.

I stopped in front of Alice and looked around. Jasper and Emmett were standing behind me and Rosalie was coming to a stop on my right.

The weird feeling was getting worse and I just wanted everyone to calm down. I tried as hard as I could to get them to stop sending those weird vibes. And then suddenly they were calm. I liked that feeling much better, it was fuzzy and warm.

_I wonder if Rosalie will be up for that…_ Emmett's voice filled my head. It started going on about other stuff like the proposal he was planning and then everything was getting progressively dirtier.

"Aww, Emmett!" I groaned. "I did _not_ need that image in my head! Oh, and by the way, she'll say yes." That image would forever be etched into my skull. How Edward dealt with _that_ for almost a hundred years, I had no idea.

Emmett opened his mouth to say something but I held up a finger and closed my eyes.

Images of Rosalie in a white gown, walking down an aisle were playing in front of my eyes – sort of like a movie. It looked like she was getting married. The image of her striding gracefully to Emmett's side in front of an alter only confirmed the suspicion. And then everything went blank.

I lowered my arm and looked over at Rosalie. "Rosalie, for your next wedding, get the corset dress with the long train…" I paused. "And the white tiger lilies," I added.

Nobody spoke for what seemed like ages. Everyone's emotions were going haywire and their thoughts would not calm down. It was getting to be too much, so I just blocked everything out, and then it was just gone. I couldn't hear anyone's thoughts, I couldn't feel their emotions. I felt normal again – or as close to normal as I could get.

"Do you know how long it has taken me to find you guys?" I scolded.

No one answered. "Why is everyone looking at me like that?" I looked around the circle and stopped when I saw Edward. I hadn't even noticed he entered the room. "Edward? What's going on?"

"Bella, you just manipulated all our emotions, read Emmett's mind and then had a vision of Rosalie," he answered softly. His voice held a hint of confusion and something else I couldn't put my finger on – intrigue maybe?

"Yeah," I shrugged. "So?" I was obviously missing a very vital point here because everyone was gaping now.

"Would you care to explain how you just used all of our powers almost simultaneously?" He asked.

"I don't know!" I cried. "I'm just as clueless as you!"

Edward sighed. "Okay, would you care to explain what the hell you're doing here?"

"Now that," I smiled, "I can explain."

I opened my mouth again to speak but then my cell phone started ringing. "Hello? Yeah Kate, I'm here. I'm standing right in front of them. No, you can not talk to them! Because I was just about to explain how I found them and you'll blab on for hours about mindless stuff that's not at all important. I'll tell them you said hi, then," I paused and held the phone away from my ear a little. "Well you should have thought about that when I invited you to come with me! No, you still can't talk to them. Yeah, yeah I know I'm mean; Blah, blah, blah. I have to go," – insert annoyed eye roll – "I love you too, Kate. Bye."

I slammed my phone shut and shoved it back in my pocket. "Sorry about that," I smiled sheepishly.

"Who's Kate?" Alice asked.

"Kate, from Denali. You know the short brunette, can't stop talking, loves to shop?" I said. "Ring any bells?"

"You've been in Denali this whole time?" Jasper sounded surprised.

"Yeah," I smiled. "I should explain, shouldn't I?"

"Yes, that would be preferable," Edward agreed.

"Where should I start?"

"How about when you left Forks?" Alice suggested.

"Okay, so about seven months ago, right after you guys left, I got turned," I started.

"Who changed you?" Emmett asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I don't remember anything about the transformation. I was hoping you guys could tell me."

Everyone shook their heads.

"So none of you changed me?" I frowned. "Then who did? Hmm, oh well. Anyway, I knew I couldn't stay in Forks because someone was bound to notice that I was different. And since you left, I couldn't possibly stay with you. I knew that the Denali coven would take me in if I explained my situation and they did, thank god. I also knew that I needed to find you; I was certain that Edward had changed me and left or something along those lines. So when I got to Denali, Eleazar helped me search for you."

"So wait, let me get this straight. You have no memory of being changed whatsoever?" Jasper asked.

"Not a clue," I answered.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Alice inquired.

"I remember leaving school Monday afternoon and it's all blank until I woke up on Thursday. When did you guys leave anyway?"

"Monday night," Edward said.

"What have you been doing in Denali?" Esme asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Not much," I shrugged. "I got a job at a book store for a couple months. And I got a new car! I love it, it's a Volvo. I was hoping Rosalie would tinker with it a little, make it a little faster, you know?"

"Oh! Can I?" Rosalie asked excitedly, clapping her hands together.

"Of course," I smiled and she went running out the door to see my car. "Can I ask why everyone was so shocked to see me?"

The remaining people in the room turned to look at Edward. He hesitated a little before answering. "We went back to Forks, about a month ago, to come get you. But Charlie told us you disappeared, he thought you were dead."

"You came back?" I whispered, completely shocked.

* * *

_Finally! No cliffhangers! _**  
**

**Tunes dude;;  
**Drinking and Dialing – InMemory  
So Contagious – Acceptance  
Autobahn – Anberlin  
The Great Escape – Boys Like Girls  
Make Tonight – Emanuel  
If You Don't Don't – Jimmy Eat World  
Blind – Lifehouse  
All That I've Got – The Used


	8. Hanging by a Moment

**A/n:** updating live from...my grandma's apartment! woot! i started getting threats. eh, i always get threats. but thats not the point. the point is that i promised i would update on christmas eve or christmas. and guess what!!! its christmas eve!!

thank you everyone for reviewing! you guys are completely awesome.

oh. and Keeley...i'm dying of cold. its like 40 degrees and raining and i only have hoodies and chucks. ugh.

i miss everyone! and my computer. wow. i have no social life if i miss my computer more than my friends. -shrug- oh well.

* * *

"_I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move I'm hanging by a moment here with you…"_ – Hanging By a Moment, Lifehouse.

Edward frowned at me. "Of course we came back. I told you we would when it was safe for us to return."

"No you didn't," I shook my head. And then it dawned on me: the letter. Of course Kate _had_ to be right, she was not going to let me live this down when she found out about this. I cringed and slapped my forehead.

_She didn't read the letter, did she?_ Edward's thoughts entered my head.

Hmm, I thought, I could get used to that. I didn't even mean to take his power like that, it kind of just happened. I would have to get a better grip on this, though. It didn't feel right intruding on people's thoughts like that.

"No, Edward. I didn't read the letter," I answered his silent question. I pulled the envelope out of my back pocket and handed it to him.

He stared at the piece of paper in his hands for at least five minutes before he spoke again. "Can – can I talk to you outside?" That's when I noticed that Jasper, Alice and Esme were still in the room. Emmett must have slipped off to be with Rosalie.

"Yes," I nodded and followed him out the front door.

Edward stopped on the porch just outside the door and continued to stare at the envelope. I hopped up on the railing and leaned up against one of the posts. I stretched out my legs on the rail and folded my arms across my chest.

"Why didn't you read it?" Edward asked suddenly.

I shrugged. "I was afraid it would be a Dear Jane letter. I was scared that you were going to tell me you didn't love me and that you left out of sheer boredom. I thought maybe you would tell me never to go looking for you."

"We left because Jasper slipped and someone saw. We needed to get out of town as fast as possible. I didn't even have time to see you before we left."

"Did you really think I was dead?" I questioned.

"Honestly, I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that you were alive somewhere, that I'd find you someday," he laughed dryly and shook his head. "Do you hate me for leaving you?"

"No, not anymore," I whispered, truthfully.

"Anymore?" Edward inquired.

"I hated you for about two days, and then Carmen made me realize how much you actually do love me. That's when I started missing you, that's when I knew I _had_ to find you. I couldn't live without you."

I looked away from him, a little embarrassed. I stared at the vast expanse of the Cullen's front yard and stayed silent until Edward asked, "Were you at all happy to see me? You didn't seem like it when you first saw me."

I had to laugh at that one. "I was – and still am – resisting the urge to jump on you right now. I think I'm very happy to see you." I couldn't believe I just said that, but it was all true. I wanted nothing more than to have my lips permanently attached to his.

_Why don't you then?_ Edward thought. I was pretty sure he didn't want me to hear that, or maybe he did.

"I'm afraid of what you'll do," I slid off the railing and stood in front of him, but made no other move toward him. It was still hard for me to grasp the concept that someone as amazing and beautiful and God-like as him could love me even in the slightest.

"I don't think I like having you in my head," he smirked. "It's not fair."

"I think it's fair enough," I shrugged; I could turn it off if I wanted to. "You know, I'm kind of surprised that you're still talking to me."

"What?" Edward looked confused.

"You never wanted this life for me, and now I have it, although I still have no idea how. But I do. I'm still waiting for you to tell me that I repulse you and you never want to see me again."

He shook his head. "I was only afraid that you would regret having to live this life. You could never repulse me," _it's quite the opposite, actually._

"I don't regret anything," I laughed. "Because now I can do this…"

I threw myself – well, more like jumped forcefully –at Edward, then, and kissed him with as much intensity as I could muster up. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off the ground and, of course, kissing me back.

I liked this predicament; I could stay this way forever. But all too soon, Edward's lips were retreating from mine.

I did my best to glare at him. "I wasn't finished, you know?"

He ignored me. "You really don't regret it, then?"

"How could I?" I smiled wide. "I get to spend eternity with you. That is, if you want to spend it with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he whispered and kissed me again.

* * *

It was close to two in the morning and Edward, Jasper, Alice and I were sitting in the living room talking about nothing in particular. We were mainly just trying to catch up on each other lives. I hadn't noticed how much things could change in eight months. 

"You know what I just realized?" I said thoughtfully.

A chorus of 'what's' filled the room.

"We still have to tell Carlisle," I replied. Everyone nodded and we fell silent again.

"Bella?" Jasper asked after a while.

"Yeah?" My head perked in his direction.

"Why can't I feel your emotions?"

"Huh?" I frowned. "You can't use your power on me?"

"No," Jasper shook his head. "You're like a black hole. I can't even manipulate you into feeling something," _I've been trying for hours._

"Alice, did you have a vision of me finding you?" I turned to look at her.

Alice's eyes grew wide with realization. "I haven't had a vision of you since we left Forks. That's why we all thought you were dead, because I couldn't see you."

"Wait, so I'm immune to everyone's powers now? Not just Edwards?"

"Nice…" Jasper smiled and nodded.

"And I can use your powers," I mused. "This so cool!" I laughed.

"How did you not know that you had this power when you lived in Denali?" Edward asked.

"None of them have powers of their own. All Carmen and I could come up with was that I'm faster than most vampires," I explained.

"How ironic," Alice giggled.

"I know, right?" I agreed. "I drive just as fast as Edward now, too."

"Is that so?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you think I got rid of that hunk of junk I called a truck?" I wasn't lying completely. I did want to get rid of my truck because it was slow. But there was no way I was going to tell them about Jacob coming to see me in Denali. Nope, no way in hell.

"How did you get rid of it anyway?" Alice asked.

"Um," I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I sort of drove it off a cliff."

"You what?!" Edward shrieked.

"Heh," I smiled sheepishly. "I was angry."

"At your truck?" Alice said.

"Sort of," I muttered.

"What do you mean 'sort of'?" Jasper asked,

"I'd rather not get into that," I said quickly, hoping I closed the subject. Why did I have to bring this up anyway? I was just digging myself a deeper hole and I would eventually have to tell them about Jacob. _Good going, Bella,_ I thought.

My salvation came a few seconds later when Rosalie came running through the door with Emmett close behind. She was huffing and puffing about something I couldn't quite catch, but I did hear Emmett say something along the lines of, "I seriously didn't see you under there!"

Edward started laughing and I looked at him curiously. "Emmett dropped your car on Rosalie," he explained.

"WHAT?!" I jumped up from my position on the couch. This was definitely not the distraction I was looking for. My car! No! I loved that car.

"Your car is fine, Bella," Edward said, pulling me into a half hug. "It needs new shocks, but that's it."

"Gee, thanks Edward," I said sarcastically. "That makes me feel _so_ much better."

"It should," he smiled. "You never heard about the time that Rosalie was fixing my old Mustang and Emmett managed to trash the engine beyond repair. I'm surprised Rosalie even lets him near cars anymore."

"You're ridiculous," I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Bella, Kate's going to call you in about two minutes," Alice said, chipping nail polish off her fingers.

"I thought you couldn't have visions of me," I frowned at the tiny vampire in front of me and sat back down on the couch.

"I can't," she said, still focused on her nails, "but I can have visions of other people. And I had a vision of Kate calling you, in about thirty seconds now."

Sure enough, my phone was singing Beautiful Love by The Afters almost thirty seconds later.

"Kate!" I smiled. "Yeah. No we haven't talked to Carlisle yet. He's not home from work. No, I didn't get a chance to tell Rosalie yet, but tell Irina that I will. Oh! We found out that I have a power! I know, isn't that exciting?" I paused while Kate rambled a bit. "No, I can't magically teleport people anywhere." Edward laughed at that. "I can use other vampire's powers, but I think I have to be relatively close to them in order to do it. Oh, Emmett and Rosalie are going to get married again sometime soon. Yeah, I saw it in a vision, so be prepared for the invitation. Yes, you can talk to Edward now," I rolled my eyes and handed Edward the phone.

As soon as Edward's ear touched the phone the yelling began. Even with the speaker volume on its lowest setting I could hear Kate's muffled screaming.

"Put it on speaker phone," Jasper whispered when he saw Edward's horrified expression. I think Kate was going down her list of profanities. I know all too well how long that list was, too.

Edward complied and suddenly Kate's yells filled the entire room.

"…And if you think for one second that you will _ever_ do that to her again, you are sorely mistaken! If I hear that you so much as leave her for more than twenty-four hours I will hunt you down–"

"Kate!" I screeched. "You're on speaker phone."

"Actually, I'm okay with that," Edward shrugged.

"What?" Kate and I asked in unison.

"I don't want to leave Bella. I don't even have to leave her to go hunting anymore."

Whoa, hunting with Edward? Oh no, not good. I didn't like the thought of Edward seeing me hunt; it was mildly embarrassing to think about. I didn't particularly care if I saw him; it was me I was worried about. I was bound to do something that would forever tarnish Edward's opinion of me, I just knew it.

"Well…um….good!" Kate sputtered. "Take me off speaker phone; I need to talk to Edward privately."

"You're not going to yell at him again are you?" I asked, a little skeptical.

"I promise I won't," came the voice from the phone.

Edward took the phone, pressed a button and pushed it to his ear. "Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, I'll be sure to do that. Yes, we'll come and visit as soon as Bella gets settled. No, you can't talk to Alice. Because you can just call her on her phone. Yes, Kate, I'm just full of brilliant ideas. Yeah, okay," he handed the phone to me. "She wants to talk to you again," he whispered.

"Yes Kate?"

"If you don't marry that man I will personally shoot you," she said.

"As if that would do anything to me," I scoffed.

"It's the thought that counts," Kate answered. I could just hear the smile in her voice. "Well, I have to go. Say hi to everyone for me."

"I love you Kate," I said.

"I love you too, Bella," she giggled and then hung up the phone.

I looked at the clock on my phone. It read 3:16 am.

"Wow, this sucks," I huffed.

"What?" Alice looked confused.

"I can't use being tired as an excuse to slip off to Edward's room anymore."

"Sure you can," Jasper smiled. "We just won't believe you."

"Okay, let's try this," I clapped my hands together once. "You know guys, I'm kinda tired. I think I'm going to turn in for the night." I stood up from the couch and smoothed out my clothes.

"Nice try, Bella. You just want to get me alone don't you?" Edward chuckled.

I snapped my fingers. "Dang, you caught me. Come on, I haven't seen the house other than the living room and the porch. Which way's your room?"

"So eager," Alice clicked her tongue and shook her head in mock disappointment.

"Hey, I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost eight months," I protested. "Give me a break here."

Edward stood up from the couch and grabbed my hand. "My room is this way," he said and led me down a hall on the first floor.

* * *

**El Music;  
**  
Hanging by a Moment – Lifehouse  
Beautiful Love – The Afters  
Say the Word – The Classic Crime  
Trip – Hedley  
Here in Your Arms – Hellogoodbye  
The Last Night – Skillet  
On Fire – Switchfoot  
Air Dry – Teddy Geiger  
I Caught Fire (in your eyes) – The Used 


	9. History is Falling for Science

**A/n:** i think i had way too much fun writing this chapter. wayy too much fun. heh.

and only Keeley will understand the Go-Fish joke - its out of context, but it works for this story, don't you think?

so i was going to wait for the e-mail updates to start working again, but i haven't updated in a week and i thought i would give everyone a New Year's treat. hope you like, because it might be a while before the next chapter and the epilogue, seeing as i haven't even started writing the next chapter yet, heh, don't worry though because its all planned out in my head.

**Disclaimer:** i have recently been informed that people have actually gotten sued for not putting up disclaimers. THATS HILARIOUS! i mean...sorry if you got sued. I don't own anything, its all Stephenie's.

* * *

"_Give me your hand I'll show you where we stand 'cause you're always asking when we'll reach the promise land, and listen girl i don't make promises to anyone, just always know your wish is my command…"_ – History is Falling for Science, This Day & Age. 

Edward's room looked much like his room in Forks. The walls were the same color, the carpet the same shag. I think he even had the same stereo system (which didn't really surprise me since he loved that stereo). The only differences were the lack of a couch and no wall of glass.

I must have given him the weirdest look when I asked about the bed, because he started laughing.

"I'm so accustomed to being in bed with you at night," he said, not at all embarrassed about what he was saying. "It's a hard habit to break, even if you aren't in bed with me."

I let go of his hand and sat on the edge of the bed. I crossed my legs, Indian style, and looked over at Edward, who was still standing near the door.

"So," I sighed. "You want to play Go-Fish or something?"

"You're serious?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I am perfectly serious, Mr. Cullen," I smirked. "You got any cards?"

"No," he shook his head.

"No, you don't have any cards?" I asked slowly and cocked my head to the side.

"No," Edward laughed. "You're not getting off that easy."

He stepped forward and came to a stop directly in front of me. God he was tall from this angle – well he was tall from any angle, but that's that not the point. He bent down until his face was only inches from mine but he wouldn't budge after that. He smirked.

My eyes narrowed. "You're teasing me, Mr. Cullen. I don't appreciate it." And then he finally kissed me. I felt myself being lifted off the bed and set on the floor again and I wasn't quite sure my legs would be able to hold my weight at this point. Thankfully Edward snaked his arms around my waist and held me steady.

"I love you," he murmured against my lips.

"Mmm," I smiled. "It's nice to hear that again."

Edward laughed. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I love you, too." I giggled.

"It is nice to hear that again," he agreed.

"Told you so," I pecked him quickly on the lips.

"Carlisle's home," Edward sighed and dropped his hands from my waist.

"Oh good! I want to talk to him," I started to move around Edward but he grabbed my arm before I got too far.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"To talk to Carlisle. Have you not been here for the past," I glanced at the invisible watch on my wrist, "thirty or so seconds?"

"He can wait," Edward pulled me closer.

"Edward!" I gasped. "Are you suggesting that I…with you…while you're father…?"

He nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

I shrugged his hand off of my arm. "I need to talk to Carlisle."

"Fine," he pouted.

"Okay then," I agreed. "I'll be right back, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that." And he slumped onto the bed.

I walked out into the hall and headed toward the living room. Carlisle was just stepping in the front door when I arrived. He didn't see me, though.

"Did someone buy another car while I was gone?" He called softly; everyone in the house would be able to hear.

"No," I chuckled, stepping farther into the room. "The car is mine."

Carlisle turned around to see who had just spoken. When his eyes landed on me, they almost bulged out of his head. "Bella?"

"In the flesh!" I laughed. "It's good to see you, Carlisle."

"You're a…" his mouth hung open. I never thought I would get this reaction from Carlisle; he was always the most calm in situations such as this. He took surprise with ease…until now.

"Vampire?" I offered, "Immortal? Eternally undead, doomed to live a life of darkness? Yeah, that's me."

"How?" he whispered.

"It's a funny story actually," I paused and frowned a little. "Okay, so maybe not so funny."

"Huh?"

"I don't have any memory of being changed." See? Not so funny. Maybe in some parallel universe it would be, though.

"None?" Carlisle gasped.

"None whatsoever," I shook my head.

"Where have you been all this time?"

"I've been living with Carmen and Eleazar in Denali," I explained. "Nice people, beautiful house."

"Does everyone else know you're here?"

"Yeah, I got here around six or seven last night. Can we talk in your office?"

"Sure," Carlisle nodded. He was starting to regain his composure now. I must have really surprised him.

"Lead the way," I ushered. "I haven't had the grand tour yet, I'm afraid."

"Yes, of course." He shrugged off his coat, put it in the hall closet, and led me up a flight of stairs and down a long hall. We finally came to a stop at a door on the right and Carlisle turned the knob and gestured for me to go inside.

The room looked nothing like Carlisle's office in Forks. There were no bookcases, just stacks of boxes up against the walls (probably filled with books, no doubt). There was a desk was huddled in a corner on the far wall.

It sort of reminded me of my mother's office in my old house in Phoenix, except maybe this room was a little bit more organized. Maybe.

"Excuse the mess, I haven't been around much the last few months and I refuse to let Esme to clean up for me. She babies me too much."

"Its fine," I said and sat myself in a chair.

"So," Carlisle sighed and sat down behind his desk. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, I wanted to make sure it was alright if I was staying here."

"You know you're always welcome here, Bella."

"I know," I nodded. "I just didn't want to come barging in and start living here without your permission first. That'd be kind of rude, don't you think?"

"You always have my permission," he said. "I wouldn't throw you out, you're family."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

"How did you find us, anyway? If you don't mind me asking."

"Oh," I smiled to cover up the grimace – all those phone calls made me want to shudder (my phone bill was going to be huge this month – again – but thank god for free long distance), "that. I called every hospital in fourteen states, twelve European countries, and Canada and asked for you. Took a while, as you can tell, but I found you finally."

"May I ask you something?"

"You just did, but I guess another question wouldn't hurt."

He laughed a little and said, "What happened to you after we left Forks? Charlie told us he thought you were dead."

I shrugged. "When I woke up and realized what I was, I knew I couldn't stay in Forks. People would notice, you know? I was fairly certain at the time that Edward was the one who changed me so I wanted to find you so I could find out the truth. Plus, I was sort of mad at him at the time and I wanted an explanation as to why he left without telling me."

"When did you leave?"

I had to think about that for a minute. "Friday night, I believe."

Carlisle sighed. "I'm so very sorry that we left so abruptly. I know that Edward wanted to bring you with us, but we just didn't have time–"

I held my hand up to stop him. "There's nothing to apologize for. Things happen," I shrugged.

"Even now you take things so coolly," he joked.

"You had to leave. I can't be mad at you for that," I smiled. "Can I ask _you_ something?"

"Sure," Carlisle nodded. "What is it?"

"Why Montana?"

He laughed. "We've never owned a ranch before. Alice always wanted a horse, and our closest neighbor is Dennis Quaid. Esme loves Dennis Quaid."

"Are you serious?" I just about died with laughter. "No, wait, you don't have to answer that."

A soft knock came from the door as my laughing started to die down. Edward poked his head inside. "Do you mind if I steal her for a little while?"

I ignored him. "Wait, doesn't Dennis Quaid own like half of Montana?"

"Yes, I do believe he does," Carlisle answered, ignoring Edward as well.

"Dennis Quaid?" Edward asked. "Didn't he want to buy a Dairy Queen once?"

"Oh yeah!" I exclaimed. "I saw that on the Ellen Degeneres Show!"

"You watch Ellen Degeneres?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"She's cool, okay?"

Edward dropped the subject. He pointed down at me and looked at Carlisle. "Can I steal her?"

"Are you done speaking with me, Bella?" Carlisle turned his attention to me.

"Yes, thank you." I got up from my seat and started making my way over to the door.

When I was walking down the hall, I finally noticed that Edward wasn't behind me. I walked back to Carlisle's office and poked my head in the door.

"Um, Edward?" I cut into their conversation. They both looked at me curiously. "You're supposed to be stealing me away. Not sitting there having a conversation with your father."

Edward turned back to Carlisle. "Anyway, thanks for the talk."

"It's not a problem, Edward."

Edward and I walked back to his room quietly. I plopped myself down on the bed and refused to move after that. For some reason, I really was exhausted. Edward ended up having to push me to the other side of the bed so he could lie down too. I didn't mind though; it was nice to have Edward in bed with me again.

I snuggled up close to him and rested my head on his arm. I was in heaven; I didn't need anything other than this…well, music would be a nice addition, but I could live without it right now – the silence was comforting for once.

We stayed silent the rest of the night. I kept my eyes closed and started tracing my fingers aimlessly over Edward's arm. It was the closest I would ever get to sleeping again, but that was okay, as long as Edward was holding me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked around dawn.

I laughed quietly and finally opened my eyes. "I was trying to imagine you in the nineteen-sixties, actually. It's not working too well. I just can't see you as a hippie."

"Well good, don't try," he grumbled.

"Wait! Now I'm intrigued!" I sat up so I could stare at him.

"Please don't, the sixties weren't my best decade."

I was about to get up and find Alice to see if she had any photo albums to show me, but then I remembered I could just read Edward's mind. I smiled smugly; I was really starting to love my power.

"I'm still trying to picture you at Woodstock or something," I giggled. I was trying to get Edward to think about it, and it was working. This power: amazing.

Memories were flooding through Edwards head now. It was kind of hard to keep up, but I did. The one that made me break down in hysterical laughter was the memory of Alice, Jasper and Edward.

The three were posing for a photo, it looked like. Alice was in a crocheted halter top, jeans and aviator glasses. Her hair was long and straight, and still that dark inky color. Jaspers arm was draped over Alice's shoulders. He was wearing a loose button up shirt with one of those weird designs that you can't really describe and kind of trippy to look at (the kind of design you really don't want to look at if you're drunk or high or something), pair of jeans and sandals.

Edward's outfit was what made me start gasping for air from laughing so hard. He was wearing a white shirt that was almost see-through – yeah, it was _that_ thin – although, it really didn't matter since his skin was the same color as the garment. It was more of a tunic than a shirt, actually. He was wearing jeans and sandals, just like Jasper, but it was the shirt that got me – and the fact that they were all throwing up peace signs.

It was hilarious.

And Edward's horrified expression only made it funnier. "Oh god, you saw that, didn't you?"

I nodded and fell over, laughing even harder. It was that painful laughter now, that laughter where you can't stop even though you feel like your lungs are going to explode and you start getting cramps in your sides. I would have been crying if I could produce tears.

"I don't like having you in my head," he muttered. "Turn it off." I knew if he could, he would have been blushing from embarrassment.

I managed to stop laughing enough to say, "No, I'm having too much fun with this." And now that I knew there really were pictures, I was going to have to see the physical proof. Edward was never going to live this down.

I was only giggling now, and I finally sat up. Edward was glaring at me and muttering something under his breath that I didn't quite catch.

I bent down and kissed him. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself."

And then I got another idea. "I wonder what you looked like in the seventies. Oh man, disco!"

Edward cringed but he couldn't block his mind in time to stop the images from coming.

* * *

**Music!**

History is falling for Science – This Day & Age  
Beautiful Love – The Afters  
Honestly – Cartel  
Wonderwall – Oasis  
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol  
On Fire – Switchfoot  
Air Dry – Teddy Geiger  
Seven-Eighty – This Day & Age  
Aside – The Weakerthans  
Promise – When in Rome


	10. Wake Up Call

**A/n:** okay, people, its _wander_ not _wonder_, damn it!! Sheesh. Every single fic I've read with that word in it has been misspelled. Ugh! Use the right words in the right context for god sakes.

Sorry, I'm a grammar/spelling nazi. Forgive me.

Awwww, last chapters suck. I never know how to end a story, but I think I like how I ended this one. Well, no scratch that, I LOVE how I ended this, although it wasn't supposed to get that serious near the end, but oh well. Its fantasmic (yes, that's a word, I swear. Me and my friends made it up in like the 8th grade or something). I tried to make this chapter as funny as I could. And I think there are some pretty funny parts but that's just me. You'll have to give me your opinion on that.

* * *

"_My lungs collapse as I'm gasping for air, I'll breathe you in. You are my oxygen alone…Say "so long," say "goodnight," and just hold out your hand…Wake me up from this nightmare. Wake me up, I know that i am drowning…"_ – Wake Up Call, Hawthorne Heights.

Christmas time in Livingston. This was going to be interesting. Don't you think?

Alice was already freaking out on a daily basis, but thank god she wasn't allowed to buy presents for anyone – except me, since it was my first Cullen Christmas (apparently I had to be initiated). They gave up on the whole gift exchange thing in the 80s when Edward and Alice kept ruining the surprises. They probably ran out of stuff to give, too.

I really didn't want anything, I had everything I needed already, but Edward told me to just humor everyone.

It had been about six months since I found the Cullens and I was finally starting to adjust to life here in Montana. I still couldn't believe the fact that we lived so close to a celebrity. I found myself constantly wondering what he would think if he knew that eight vampires lived near him.

I finally got around to actually unpacking everything about a few weeks ago – what can I say? I'm a procrastinator.

I missed Forks – I had no clue why since I hated that place until I met Edward – and I definitely still felt horrible about leaving so abruptly (that's a big 'my bad' on my part, I admit. Poor Charlie).

But since I had been a vampire for a little over a year now, my eyes were now the same golden color as Edward's, so I could finally go out in public without those stupid contacts. I was planning a visit to Forks after the New Year. Charlie would like that; he'd probably have a coronary when he found out I was still alive – well, in a manner of speaking – but he would like that I came home, even if it was just to visit. I think it would please Carmen to know what I was planning, too.

I was finally getting my power under control, which was a good thing for Emmett because now I didn't beat him every time we wrestled. It wasn't my fault that physical contact made his strength mine. It took me a long time to be able to control that one. Oops. Heh. I totally didn't mean it that one time when I accidentally threw him across the room and shattered the bay windows. I'm still paying Esme back for that one.

The best part of my power was that I could turn it off if I wanted to. Edward was particularly partial to this since it meant that I couldn't read his mind all the time. I would constantly read his thoughts, but out of respect for his privacy, I didn't. I really hoped he knew how much that bothered me; I liked knowing what was going on in that head of his.

"Bella!!!" Alice screamed from somewhere in the house. Great, what now? Alice had been on a rampage since yesterday. Something about visions, shopping, Denali, not being ready…and something else I didn't catch. Whatever.

I opened my eyes and sat up in bed but did nothing more to leave the confines of my room. I was hiding from Alice; she was planning something and I didn't like the glint in her eyes when she spoke to me this morning. The whole shopping part of her speech made me very wary of going anywhere near her, but at least I knew that Kate and Carmen were coming soon. I missed them.

A soft knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts. Rosalie poked her head in and smiled when she saw me on the bed.

"Alice is looking for you," she informed.

"I noticed," I grimaced. "Do you know what she's planning?"

"No clue, but she did want me to help, so she's probably going to use you as a Barbie doll again."

"Again?" I groaned. That was twice in one week. Alice didn't even need a reason to make me over anymore; she just _did_.

I'd forgotten to turn off my power because I had been listening to Edward's thoughts. I was trying to see if I could catch what he was getting me for Christmas. No such luck. He was getting good at the whole blocking me out of his head thing. He knew how much it pissed me off too.

Just then I had a vision of Alice, Rosalie and I in Alice's bathroom. I was, at least, in my choice of clothing, but Alice was doing something with my hair and Rosalie was playing with a huge pile of make-up on the counter.

"Damn it," I cursed when the vision ended. "Well, at least I get to wear my own clothes this time."

Rosalie's eyes almost bulged out of her head. "She's going to let you pick your own outfit?"

"Its progress," I shrugged.

"True," she nodded. "But she's never done that before. This is…wow." Rosalie at a loss for words? This day was just full of surprises.

"Bella!!!" Alice called again.

I groaned again and fell back on the mattress.

"She knows where you are, you might as well come out," Rosalie said.

"I'd prefer to put this off as long as possible."

"Bella!!!" Alice screamed even louder this time.

The problem with my power was that when I took one persons, I took everyone's within a hundred yard radius. So when I was poking around Edward's head, I turned everything on (hence the vision), and collectively the entire Cullen family, save for Alice and Rosalie, started yelling at me in their heads to make Alice stop screaming (yes, even Jasper). Their anger was also radiating at me like a freaking forest fire. I didn't even bother trying to calm everyone down; there was no point, they would resist.

_Bella, please! _Emmett silently begged.

_Oh my god, make her stop! _Edward said.

"Alright!" I shouted and heaved myself off the bed, but not before turning off my power. I'd had enough.

* * *

Alice ended up not doing much to my hair, except making it straighter than it already was. I thanked her profusely. I hated curls.

Rosalie didn't do much in the make-up department, either. She knew how much I would freak out if she over did anything.

Overall, I didn't look too different. I didn't even know why Alice bothered playing cosmetician today. Maybe she was finally giving up since I wasn't human anymore. I smiled at the possibility. It was a very unlikely possibility, but there was still a small chance that it was true. I hoped.

Rosalie was just finishing with my eyeliner when I heard the car coming down the driveway. I knew instantly that it was the Denali coven. As soon as the smile appeared on my lips she stepped back and let me run from the bathroom.

I was almost out the door when Edward intercepted my path. I pushed him out of the way and shouted behind me, "Notnowgottago," so fast that I barely understood it myself. I could feel the confusion even without Jasper's power. I didn't understand why, he had to have heard the car pulling up.

Kate was just shutting her door when I tackled her. I didn't mean to, my excitement was getting the better of me. But nonetheless we were rolling around on the grass and I was hugging her with as much strength as I thought I had inside me.

"It's nice to see you too, Bella," she giggled and hugged me tight.

"I missed you," I whispered and finally let her go.

She smiled. "I missed you too. It's not the same without you."

Someone behind me clear their throat. I knew it instantly as Eleazar. My smile grew wider, if that was even possible, and I turned around to give him a hug.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Eleazar chuckled and surrendered me to Carmen.

I didn't think it was possible for vampires to be pulled into bone crushing hugs, but I seriously thought I was going to crack a rib from the force of Carmen's strength. I didn't even know she was that strong.

"Can't. Breathe," I choked out. Not that I needed to breathe or anything, but I wasn't going to take a chance on the whole bone breaking thing.

"Right, sorry," Carmen relaxed a little but still hugged me. I think if she could, she would have been crying right now. "How have you been? Are you alright? They're treating you well?"

"You're sounding like my mother, Carmen," I laughed.

She glared at me. "Of course I'm sounding like your mother. I do tend to think of myself as a mother to you. Now shut up and answer my questions."

"Wow, three moms in one lifetime? I'm on a roll!"

"Bella," Carmen rolled her eyes. "Answer the questions, damn it."

"You just told me to shut up, how can I answer if you told me I can't talk?"

"Please, Bella." Her patience was running low at this point and I was on the verge of laughing hysterically. I was resisting though, I didn't feel like facing the wrath of Carmen today. That wouldn't be good.

"I'm fine, Carmen," I finally answered once I was sure that I wouldn't start laughing. "And if the Cullens didn't treat me right I would have come straight back to Denali. You know that."

Carmen sighed. "I'm sorry. I worry too much."

"Trust me," I tried to keep a straight face, "I've noticed."

_Ugh, would Carmen stop hogging Bella!_ Irina thought, _I haven't seen her forever and I haven't even said hello yet._

Wow, I totally forgot I had my power on. Maybe I did it unconsciously again; I still did that sometimes.

I laughed and slipped out of Carmen's arms. "Irina, she isn't hogging me."

I turned around and gave her a hug. Even through her surprise at answering her thoughts, Irina still managed to hug me back.

"Tanya, come here, I want a hug from you, too," I waved her over and threw my arms around her shoulders.

I finally led everyone into the house and filed them into the living room where they stared at me with completely and utter shock on their faces.

"You…you just read my mind," Irina managed to say.

"Oh," I nodded, "my power. Right."

"Yeah, _right_," Kate said.

"Um, well," I smiled sheepishly, "I sort of borrow other vampires' powers. Everyone hates it though. I don't understand why; it's a very convenient gift, if you ask me."

"It's bad enough with one telepath in the family," Rosalie called from her room, "We don't need two."

"Yeah, well, bite me," I yelled after her.

Alice stepped into the room but I didn't notice until she said, "Bella," she rolled her eyes, "someone already beat us to it." And then she was gone. Kay, that was weird, right? Yeah, definitely weird.

"Is that it, though? Do you just borrow a vampire's power?" Eleazar asked.

"Well, no. If I borrow one power, I take all the powers within a hundred yards. So if I were to read your mind, I would be able to manipulate your emotions and see visions, too. And any other powers that were in the vicinity."

"Except mine!" Emmett screeched.

"Doesn't that get tiring?" Kate questioned, ignoring Emmett altogether.

"Yeah," I nodded, "it does. But I can turn it on and off, so it doesn't get too exhausting."

"Thank god for that." Edward said from behind me.

I turned around and glared at him. "I resent that. I like hearing your thoughts."

"Yes, you've mentioned that on numerous occasions," he rolled his eyes.

* * *

I was getting exceptionally unobservant lately. I didn't even notice when Edward came into our room and sat down on the bed until he was literally on top of me and trying to get the ear buds out of my ears.

"Hey," I snapped, trying to slap his hands away, "hey! No touching!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "We have a stereo for a reason."

"I like my iPod better."

"Happy Christmas Eve," he smiled down at me.

"Already?" I gaped at him. Wasn't yesterday like December 15 or something? Being immortal sucked sometimes; you really lost track of time.

I made a move to turn off my iPod but Edward caught my hand and stopped me. "Don't, I like this song," he said.

I blinked a couple times, surprised. "You like Hellogoodbye?"

"You can stop looking me like that now," he mock glared. "And yes, I do like Hellogoodbye."

"As much as I like that you're laying on top of me, could you move? You're kinda heavy."

"Gee, thanks," he said, rolling off of me.

"No problem," I smiled sweetly. I turned on my side to face Edward. "What time is it anyway?"

"Uh," he glanced at my iPod, "Just after two in the morning."

"Wow," I giggled, "talk about pulling all nighters."

"You're ridiculous," Edward shook his head.

I shrugged. "I might be, but you love me."

"Unfortunately," he mumbled.

My mouth hung open from shock. I suddenly felt like I was on a roller coaster and we were going down the highest drop. "Excuse me?" I finally whispered. My mouth was still open and I was starting to hyperventilate.

"I was kidding, Bella," Edward reached out to touch me, but I wouldn't let him. I slapped his hand away.

I slipped off the bed as fast as I could but Edward still managed to catch my arm. I was really wishing right now that I could cry because I definitely needed too.

I tried to pull my arm away but he wouldn't let go.

"Bella, I was kidding, you know I love you."

"Yeah," I retorted, "unfortunately."

"Bella," he pulled me to him, "Bella, you know I was kidding."

I tried to get away but Edward had me between his legs and his hands were gripping my shoulders. I was trapped. The only thing I could do was turn my head away so I didn't have to look at him.

"Bella, sweetie, look at me," he lifted a hand from my shoulder and turned my cheek so I was forced to look him in the eyes. "Please, Bella, forgive me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was only kidding."

"That is one sick joke, Edward Cullen," I replied, still trying to avert my eyes so he couldn't dazzle his way into making me forgive him.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he took his other hand off my shoulder and placed it on my other cheek. I had no choice but to look at him now.

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes and then Edward's lips were on mine. Wow, okay, wasn't expecting that one. I was on the verge of forgiving him when he finally pulled away.

I glared at him. "You're still not forgiven."

"Please?" he pouted.

I sighed. "You're not getting off that easy. Do you seriously expect me to forgive you just by kissing you?"

"It used to work," Edward shrugged.

"Well, it's not working anymore," I said.

"Will asking you to marry me make you forgive me?" he asked suddenly.

My jaw dropped. If I had a working heart right now, it would have stopped when he asked that question. "Huh?" I managed.

"Marry me," Edward insisted.

I stayed silent while I tried to compose myself. It took a few minutes but I could finally talk again.

"And here I thought you would go all out and be like super romantic man or something when you proposed," I said.

"Is that a yes?" he looked hopeful.

I shrugged and smirked, "Maybe."

And then Edward was smothering me with kisses. Seriously. Every inch of skin on my face and my neck was being kissed. Not that I minded, though.

But that's when it really hit me: Edward proposed. And I said yes. Holy shit, I was getting married.

"Edward," I whispered. He stopped kissing me and stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "You just proposed."

"I did," he nodded.

"And I said yes," I was still whispering.

Edward's face fell. "You…you don't regret it do you?"

"No!" I shrieked. "No, I just….I need to process this."

"Okay," he said.

"I…I think I need to lie down."

Edward picked me up and put me on the bed. I shut my eyes and started taking deep breaths and let them out slowly.

When I opened my eyes, I was in Edward's room, but I was on his couch. In Forks. And I had a heartbeat.

And that's when I knew I was awake.

* * *

_Wow. Oh man. That's intense. Now go read the epilogue._

**Tunes;**  
Wake Up Call – Hawthorne Heights  
Space – Something Corporate  
Make Damn Sure – Taking Back Sunday  
Call N' Return – Hellogoodbye  
Burn (Alleged Remix) – Alkaline Trio  
Fiction – Kids in the Way  
Hey Juliet – LMNT (download, this. It's hilarious)  
Dead! – My Chemical Romance  
Comatose – Skillet  
Breathe – Michelle Branch


	11. Epilogue: Life in Dreaming

"_I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you…Oh how I adore you, waking up to you never felt so real. Oh how I need you, Waking up to you never felt so real…"_ – Comatose, Skillet.

I was thrust back into consciousness so fast that the adrenaline kicked in. My heart was racing and I was breathing hard. I had no clue why – it was the best dream I had probably ever had. I sort of disappointed that it had to end, though. I liked that alternate life I was living. And I got to be a vampire. Who can argue with that? Well…except Rosalie, but she doesn't count.

I only half expected the stone cold arms to wrap themselves around me and pull me closer to the God-like creature that lay on the couch with me. But when they did, and I felt his cool breath on my face and neck, I automatically shivered. Stupid human reactions. At least my heart rate was somewhat going back to normal.

"Okay, wow. Weird dream," I took a deep breath, trying to get it regulated again. It worked, a little.

"Well you're safe now," Edward murmured in my ear.

"Why do you assume it was a nightmare?" I asked.

He seemed to think about this for a moment. I think he was deciding whether to be serious or joke. "Oh, I don't know," – oh, wait, there's the sarcasm – "maybe the fact that you woke up gasping for air and your heart was about to leap out of your chest."

"It wasn't a bad dream, though," I shook my head. "It was actually the best dream I've ever had."

"That explains a lot," he held back a laugh. "Because you started singing Queen a little while back. So, what actually happened?"

"Well," I sighed. "You and your family left and I got changed. I didn't have any memory of the transformation, which was weird because I could remember pretty much everything leading up to it."

"Is that it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I went to Denali and I lived with Kate and her family while I looked for you. It took me almost eight months, but I did it. You were living on a ranch just outside Livingston, Montana."

"So specific," he chuckled.

"I've never really had such a vivid dream before. It was so weird." I remembered everything, right down to Jacob finding me in Denali to what it was like to hunt. I remembered working in that book store and Jill and how much I hated Max. I remembered the memory of Edward in the sixties and his disco phase, too.

"I wasn't very creative with why you left Forks, though. I'm kind of disappointed about that one," I said. "But my power was pretty awesome; I think that's what I miss the most."

I could feel Edward shift uncomfortably under me. "What was your power?" He asked, a little hesitantly.

"Well," I started, "I was immune to everyone's powers, even Alice and Jasper. And if I was close enough to any of you, I could take your power and use it. I could turn it on and off too because if I used one power, I used everyone's. So if I was reading your mind, I could manipulate your emotions and I could see visions too. But with gifts like Emmett's, I had to actually be touching them to use it."

"That is…" he struggled to find the right word. "Interesting."

"It was kind of cool," I laughed. "I had a lot of fun reading your mind."

Edward laughed too. "I don't think I would like having you in my head."

"You said that in my dream; you always told me to turn it off," I paused for a second, debating whether or not to say what I was planning on saying. I decided not too, it could wait for later.

"Is there anything else?" he pressed when he saw my face.

I shrugged. "Me and Kate would have Jenga marathons and sing cheesy songs at the top of ours lungs. I think that's why I started singing Queen. I had a Volvo, which was nice. I liked that car. And you lived next door to Dennis Quaid." I specifically left out the part about him asking me to marry him for fear of how he would react.

"Esme loves Dennis Quaid," Edward chuckled.

I shoved myself out of his arms and turned around to stare at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Déjà vu," I whispered. "Carlisle said that was one of the reasons you chose Montana."

We fell silent for a few minutes and then I groaned.

"What's wrong?" Edward frowned.

"I'm just so used to being able to hear your thoughts. I don't care if it was just a dream; it felt real. And now I'm used to it, and I don't like it."

"How long was this dream, exactly?"

"Um," I paused to calculate everything. "Thirteen months?"

"And how long did it take you find us?"

"A little over seven months," I answered.

"Six months of reading my mind? Yeah, I can understand why you're used to it."

I lifted my head to look out Edward's glass wall to see if it was morning or not. It was still dark, so I assumed I still had a few hours of sleep left.

It still amazed me how I could live so long and remember it so vividly, yet the dream probably only lasted ten minutes.

"Go back to sleep, Bella," Edward instructed.

"I'm not that tired anymore," I pouted. "Plus, I was sort of wondering something."

"What?"

I raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I was trying to picture you in the sixties."

* * *

_i totally didn't realize this until i uploaded the last chapter, but, this stories over. wow. its over. thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, and all my silent readers as well. you guys are my inspiration and my reason for continuing to write fan fictions(well that, and the fact that its good writing excersise). thank you again. and look out for my next story which should be up in the next month or so. i'll be posting the alternate(aka the original) epilogue later tonight, so yeah.  
_

**And, the final playlist… -tear-**  
Comatose – Skillet  
Fiction – Kids in the Way  
So Contagious – Acceptance  
Beautiful Love – The Afters  
Remember to Feel Real – Armor for Sleep  
Say the Word – The Classic Crime  
Air Dry – Teddy Geiger  
The Fight – The Classic Crime  
Playing with Fire – Emery  
What I Like About You – The Ramones

**Fin.**


	12. Alternate Epilogue

You guys weren't expecting the whole "oh, hey, that was a dream?" thing were, ya? yeah, i know you weren't. hahaha! i'm evil. nah, its just a concept i was toying with for a while and i thought it would be nice to put into words. plus, no one's done it before. i like doing things no ones done._  
_

_SO ANYWAYS... _

_This is the original epilogue that I wrote at the beginning of the story. I was totally going to use it, but then I realized that it was just way too out there for Bella's entire life to be a dream. The whole vampire part seemed more believable. The beginning was supposed to go at the end of chapter 10, but since I didn't use this epilogue I couldn't use that ending, so I put it here. _

_By the way, this isn't finished and I'm not intending to finish it. I just thought it would be nice little extra to add to the end of my story. Its funny, I actually want to make my daughter Tally._

* * *

The moment was perfect. But it was cut too short by the distant calls of a child. 

I turned around and stared Edward in the face. "Do you hear that?" The child called again.

Edward just smiled at me warmly. "Go home, Bella," he said.

"What?" I was confused. "I am home."

"Go home, Bella. It's time for you to leave," he repeated.

* * *

"_We're making fiction of our lives, burning pages as we write. We read the lies between the lines; these dead letters won't survive…"_ - Fiction, Kids in the Way. 

I woke up to the sound of my son yelling in my ear and the sun shining through the window. It was way too bright.

"Mommy!!" Tristan yelled and jumped up and down on my stomach. His sister, Tally soon joined in. I was suddenly glad it was seven in the morning on a Saturday because if my kids had been coming home from school, they'd be jumping on me with shoes. I didn't want to start thinking about how much pain that would cause me.

"Oh! Ow!" I cringed. "Honey, get the kids off of me," I begged. Edward reached across the bed and carefully detained our two year old twins.

"Go wait for us in the kitchen," Edward pushed the children off the bed and they went racing out the door.

"I had the strangest dream last night," I lifted myself into a sitting position.

Edward leaned over, smiling, and placed a kiss on my lips. "What about?"

"We were vampires," I shook my head. "And not just us, everyone, even Kate and Carmen. And we lived in Montana."

"Sweetie, we have two kids and mortgage, no vampires here," my husband so kindly pointed out.

"But it felt so real," I whined.

"Honey, do you remember the time you had the dream about Jacob and he was a werewolf?"

"Yes," I grumbled darkly. I thought we weren't going to mention that one again.

"You thought that one was real too, and you avoided Jacob for three weeks. He still doesn't know why," he laughed. "Don't worry, this one's not real, either."


End file.
